The 4 Phases of Divorce Healing—Where Are You in Your Comeback Era?
Divorce healing is a journey—one that’s messy, emotional, and far from linear. One day, you feel like you’re on top of the world, reclaiming your independence, and the next, a random song on the radio has you spiraling back into old memories.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone.
Press play & listen to this post!
The healing process after divorce happens in phases, and understanding which phase you’re in can help you move through it faster—without feeling like you’re stuck in an emotional loop.
That’s exactly why I created a free quiz to help you figure out where you are in your healing journey and what’s keeping you stuck. It’ll give you a personalized action plan so you can move forward with clarity.
✨ Take the free Comeback Quiz here
Now, let’s break down The 4 Phases of Divorce Healing so you can pinpoint where you are and what to do next.
When a Random Memory Unlocks… and What It Taught Me About Healing
You ever have a memory just unlock out of nowhere? Like, one moment it’s buried deep in the vault of your brain, and the next—boom—it pops in like it never left?
That happened to me recently during a meditation.
I suddenly remembered the full name of a girl I went to middle school with. A name I had been trying to recall for years.
And it hit me—I had blocked out SO much of my childhood without even realizing it.
Which got me thinking…
What else do we block out when we aren’t ready to deal with it?
The same thing happens after divorce. Sometimes, we suppress pain because we don’t have the emotional capacity to process it yet. We think we’ve moved on, only for a song, a smell, or a random text from an ex to send us right back into the past.
That’s why healing isn’t a straight line—it’s more like a spiral. We move through it, circle back, process things deeper, and keep going.
But if you feel like you’ve been stuck in the same emotional space for a while, it’s time to figure out which healing phase you’re in—so you can start moving forward again.
The 4 Phases of Divorce Healing
Healing doesn’t happen all at once—it happens in layers. Here are the four key phases:
Phase 1: Healing from the Shock of Divorce (aka Survival Mode)
This is ground zero—the phase where everything feels like a blur. You’re going through the motions, but you don’t feel fully present.
✅ You might feel numb.
✅ You might struggle to focus on anything besides just getting through the day.
✅ You might still be in fight-or-flight mode, where everything feels overwhelming.
If you’re in this phase, just know—it’s normal. Your nervous system is literally protecting you by keeping you in survival mode.
The goal in this phase isn’t to fix everything overnight. It’s to:
➡️ Stabilize.
➡️ Take care of yourself in the smallest ways.
➡️ Focus on feeling safe again.
This phase takes time, but trust me—you won’t be here forever.
Phase 2: Healing the Relationship with Yourself
Once you start feeling more like a functioning human, this is where the real inner work begins.
Because let’s be real—divorce shakes up your identity.
✅ You go from being “so-and-so’s wife” to just you.
✅ You’re suddenly fully in control of your life—which can feel liberating or terrifying (or both at the same time).
✅ You might not even know what you like anymore, because you’ve spent so much time making decisions based on your marriage.
This phase is all about reconnecting with yourself:
➡️ Figuring out what makes you happy.
➡️ Rebuilding your confidence and sense of self.
➡️ Learning to make choices based on your needs—not your ex’s, not society’s, not anyone else’s.
This is when women start to feel alive again. You’re reclaiming your power. And trust me—this part is fun.
Phase 3: Healing from Your Past
Here’s the thing—divorce doesn’t just bring up pain from your marriage. It brings up everything you haven’t fully healed from.
✅ Old wounds from childhood.
✅ Past relationship trauma.
✅ Patterns that you didn’t even realize were repeating.
For me, remembering that random name from middle school was a huge reminder that we store so much in our subconscious.
And a lot of the things we think we’ve moved past? They’re actually just waiting for us to be ready to process them.
This phase is deep, but it’s also where the biggest breakthroughs happen.
➡️ This is where you rewrite old stories.
➡️ This is where you heal childhood wounds.
➡️ This is where you finally let go of what’s been weighing you down.
If you’re in this phase—keep going. I promise you, on the other side of this work, there is freedom.
Phase 4: Healing as You Expand into Your New Future
This is the moment where you go from healing mode to thriving mode.
✅ You’re no longer defined by what happened to you.
✅ You’re finally ready to step into the woman you were always meant to be.
✅ You’re no longer just “getting by”—you’re actively creating your new life.
And I’ll be honest—this phase can feel weird at first.
After spending so much time processing and working through old wounds, suddenly, you have all this space for new things:
➡️ New experiences.
➡️ New goals.
➡️ New love.
And that can feel just as scary as healing itself.
Because as we expand into our future, we also have to heal our relationship with success, love, and abundance.
But this? This is the best part.
This is your comeback era.
And the fact that you’re even reading this means you’re already on your way.
So… Which Phase Are You In?
If you’re feeling stuck, take a second to ask yourself:
💭 Am I still processing the shock of my divorce?
💭 Am I in the stage of rediscovering myself?
💭 Am I working through old wounds that I didn’t even realize were there?
💭 Am I in my expansion era, but feeling nervous about what’s next?
If you’re unsure, I created a free quiz just for you! It’ll help you pinpoint what phase you’re in and give you a personalized action plan to move forward.
✨ Take the free Comeback Quiz here
Healing is a journey, and every phase you move through is a step forward—even when it doesn’t feel like it.
If this resonated with you, DM me on Instagram (@HerHeartHeals) and tell me which phase you’re in. I’d love to hear. 💖
And if you’re ready to move forward? Your comeback era is already unfolding. Keep going. 🚀
Hope you enjoyed this read! xo, Christina
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