[00:00:00] You’re listening to Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

Hi, I’m Christina Cuevas. Seven years ago, I went through a divorce and it completely turned my world upside down. And I’m so glad it did. I documented my healing to share information with other women going through their own divorce journey. And now, With thousands of downloads around the world from divorced women just like you, I’m here to show you how to ditch the shame around divorce and finally heal so that you can regain the confidence to create your most abundant and joyful future.

I’m so glad you’re here. This is Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

Hey there. Lovely welcome back to another episode of rebuilding you empowered healing. For divorced women. I’m your host, Christina Allen, also your divorce transformation mentor. And together we are up leveling and stepping [00:01:00] into you 2.0. I am committed to helping you both heal and transform using the, her heart heals method, which is to do both at the same time, cutting down the time that it takes for you to move on and step into your new life and really close the chapter of divorce so if that’s you welcome, you have come to the right spot.

And today we’re tackling a topic that can make even the strongest of us feel. Just a little on edge and that is how to keep cool in front of your ex let’s get into it.

 We are just coming out of Thanksgiving. And I have been hearing and having conversations with a lot of women in our community. Around a lot of the feelings that divorce and the holidays can stir up. And I thought. One of those things is a really keeping cool in front of our ex. And a lot of us have to face [00:02:00] someone that is an X.

If we have children or. I shared friends if we’re still in each other’s circle.

 This is a challenge that is really part of the opportunity that comes with our transformation. It comes with the work that we have to do in our transformation. And so I wanted to have a very specific. Episode. Kind of like a little pep talk

 Of course we. I want the best outcome possible for ourselves and we. try to envision it. And when we’re in it, sometimes it just doesn’t actually go that way. Okay. Now let’s face it bumping into your ex can be like walking through an emotional minefield, but remember here at her heart heals. If you’re listening to this episode, you’re automatically a part of our community. Unity. And that tells me you’re a successful independent woman. Who’s all. All about personal development and thinking outside of the box.

So with that being said, [00:03:00] you’ve got this. And with these steps that these tips that I’m going to be providing to you. It’s just going to help you really use these. Meetings and being in front of this person as opportunities to heal and transform to where you are going to be thinking the universe for bringing. Bringing these interactions into your life, because that’s the only way we’re going to be able to put these things into practice, to where eventually you’re so good at it, that you are no longer, that same person that you were before, where you. Don’t want to have this meeting, to where you’re able to confidently be there. And just feel like such a completely different person. And we can get there.

So these tips that I’m going to be providing to you are to help you use these as opportunities. To Uplevel. So let’s [00:04:00] get into it.

So the first thing is mindset. Mindset is everything. Before you even step into the same room. Set your intentions get right. In your mind. Remind yourself that you are in control of your emotions and you don’t need to prove anything to your ex. They’re called an ex for a reason. And one of the things that I like to do is use a protection bubble. And you can visualize when you’re getting your mind.

Right. And you’re setting your intention.

You can imagine this invisible bubble. All around you. And know that any energy that comes. Uh, you from any other person, you could do this with anybody. You can put this protection bubble around you to where, when somebody comes in with an energy that is [00:05:00] going to impact you negatively. You are protected. That is you saying that you will not allow any negative energy to penetrate into your bubble. So when you come in with that mindset, you’re also owning the fact that you will not be contributing. To any negative outcome. So a big key is with mindset is that it’s not just what’s happening to you, but it’s also you taking responsibility for the energy that you bring into this interaction. And taking ownership of that and saying these are the things that I will not stand for.

This is the intention that I have with this interaction. Even if it’s one of those things where you don’t even know that your ex is going to be there and it just sort of happens. You can instantly go to your production bubble, put it up. And like literally visualize it. I almost picture something like the [00:06:00] Jetsons where it’s like, Bruce. Like a little thing that just pops up around you instantly. put your protection bubble around you. And lead from there.

Let that do the work because that protection bubble is setting the tone for you saying nothing is going out. Nothing is coming in. It is neutral and I will not accept this negative energy.

 Trust me, I’ve had those moments where you want to say, but you know that it’s going. I mean to not lead to anything productive. Right. There’s also those feelings of, you want to show them that you’re doing just fine without them, but the real power. Is showing yourself that you’re thriving. And being able to walk out of there. Even if. There is no interaction, you’re able to walk out of there and just saying like nothing happened.

And I’m good.

I’m okay with that [00:07:00] because the other thing is that you, you break your protection bubble. You. Can’t keep those words that you were thinking to yourself. And you say them and you get yourself into a situation where you give away your power. So the real power is, is showing yourself. That you have self-control. And that you’re thriving. Huge, huge. Lessons and practice. For you to be able to put that so that you can get to know your own power and you can leave there and leave any situation. Still intact with your power.

You did not give anything away.

So the second step or the second tip, I don’t know why I’m calling them steps, but the second tip is to breathe. Breathe, maybe breathe. When you are face-to-face with your ex. Breathe. The [00:08:00] greatest thing that I love about breath work. Is that you can do it anywhere. And it’s invisible. Nobody has to know that you’re even doing it.

Of course, there’s a lot of breath work techniques that, there’s a time and a place for, but. One of the most powerful breath work exercises that you can do. Is to breathe. Slowly. It’s so invisible and micro movements. And when we. We focus on the micro movements. It’s like a form of meditation. It gives our mind something to do when we’re triggered.

So one thing that you can do is breathe in. And count. See, if you can count. All the way to 10. On an inhale. In order to be able to inhale. For the entire count of 10. You have to breathe in very slowly. You have to control that breath. The entire time, and then you also [00:09:00] have to count. So you’re instantly taking your focus off of something that’s external. And you’re bringing it back to yourself. What I like to do, I’ve talked about this on another episode is box breathing. When you box breathe, you’re inhaling for account. Set accounts. You’re holding your breath for that same set account and you’re exhaling for that same set accounts.

So even if you’re inhaling for 10 holding for 10 exhaling for 10 powerful. Sometimes it does take a little bit to get to 10. So if you’re new to breath work, You could even start with a count as low as four, inhale for four hold for four, exhale for four, and then you keep doing it. So that it’s cyclical. So very, very. The powerful tip. And like I said, You can do it anywhere. I found that deep breaths and quick breath work. It’s instant. Now I do it so much that I don’t even think about it. It’s just something that [00:10:00] I go to. It’s part of my emotional toolkit. To help ground me.

So the third tip is stay true to you. Don’t lose yourself in trying to impress. Or compete with your ex. Keep your individuality intact. And show them that you’ve continued to grow and evolve and by show. I mean, just show. up energetically. There’s nothing that you need. To do I want you to make sure that you are acting in integrity. With yourself. There’s a really great. Download. If you look up Renee brown. Values. There’s a worksheet that she has . That will give a whole list. I think there’s like a hundred different words of what your values are. And when you know your values. [00:11:00] That is what you are staying true to. So whether you value, integrity, maybe you value. Positivity. Whatever the case may be. When, you know your values, it makes it so much easier to stay true to yourself. As long as you are behaving in the way that. Allows these values to live through you. That’s the only thing that you have to demonstrate. We talked about it a little bit earlier, but. I’ve definitely made the mistake of trying to prove something to my ex and it only left me feeling empty and going back to the whole. Giving away your power. But when I acted and focused on just being authentic to myself, I remained in my power. I left, I showed up as myself and I left as myself fully whole.

And so the fourth thing is to focus on the present. And not the [00:12:00] past. When you see your ex it’s easy to get lost in nostalgia. Or resentment. Triggers. But instead be present in the actual moment. And engage in positive conversation and keep it light. That also I have found it’s kind of a subtle flux, I have found that when you are just the best version of yourself and you are genuine and you can remain kind no matter what. And you keep it light. You don’t even go deep. You don’t owe this person anything.

 While we’re on the topic of how to face our ex while simultaneously. Healing and on our own transformational journey after divorce, and really step into our new life and figure out what that’s going to look like. While also being the best version of ourselves while also manifesting [00:13:00] and. Trying. To build a life. Life for ourselves that. We know, is there. I am building out a very special container for a group of women who are dedicated to their growth after divorce. And want to learn the, her heart heals method that I teach with my private one-on-one clients, but in a group . So that they can be in community with other women who want the same thing.

We all want to grow and thrive and heal and really prepare ourselves. For that next chapter and put our best foot forward. We just need the tools and an actual roadmap to get there. This is called, stepping into our comeback season.

 There’s a meme out there that says. Summer bodies are made. In the winter. And so I am using that analogy. [00:14:00] Because right now, it is time to plant the seeds. It’s time to learn the tools. It’s time to really prepare ourselves because come spring and summer next year. It is on, that is our comeback season.

All of the seeds that we have been planting now and the roadmap that we’re going to be building together. Is going to allow you to step in to this. You 2.0, this transformed version of yourself. Self to. To There, when you ever cross paths with your ex. You can be in the same room with this person. And it feels like a distant memory because you are now. Just fully transformed and best version of yourself.

 I put together this program. For us to go through it all together, be on this journey of doing [00:15:00] the deep dive, doing the work, planting the seed so that we can step in to our comeback season. If your. Interested, please. DM me on Instagram, which is at her heart heals. The link is also in the show notes. And DME the word breakthrough we can hop on a quick call and see if this program is the right fit using techniques such as NLP that will allow you to manifest and create abundance that will allow you. To ditch the survival mode once and for all, and ditch these patterns that are keeping you stuck and in this constant loop.

It’s going to be pretty special. So. DME and we will chat.

So the fifth tip is to empower yourself. Remember you’re a successful independent woman. Who’s on a journey of self discovery and personal development. We are using our [00:16:00] divorce. As the opportunity and the catalyst to step into the best version of ourselves and bring this life. And create this life that. We. Never had.

 When we want something that we’ve never had, we have to do things that we’ve never done. That means. Changing our patterns, changing our ways, changing, how we behave, changing the words that we use, the language that we speak in. To really become the best version of ourselves. You’ve already proven that you’re strong and capable.

And so keep that in mind. Keep the prize. In mind, we have to become. The woman that we want to be, the woman that we aspire to be, we are already her. It’s just, these micro choices and these micro movements micro conversations the words [00:17:00] that we use. That will allow us to get there.

Easier said than done, but it really is already within us, the tools and the steps that we need to take, we’re already capable of doing it. It’s just a matter of. Really being mindful and empowering ourselves. Knowing that. It is all up to us. So always remember you’re not defined by your past or your relationships.

You are defined by the way that you handle yourself today. And every day forward. Thank you so much for tuning in today. I really hope that these tips help you to stay calm, cool, collected in front of your ex hope. If it was also like part pep talk and part tips and part education. You’ve got the tools and the mindset to handle any situation with grace and poise until next time. Keep working on yourself and stay fabulous.

[00:18:00] Happy holidays. Love you so much. Chat with you later.