[00:00:00] You’re listening to Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

Hi, I’m Christina Cuevas. Seven years ago, I went through a divorce and it completely turned my world upside down. And I’m so glad it did. I documented my healing to share information with other women going through their own divorce journey. And now, With thousands of downloads around the world from divorced women just like you, I’m here to show you how to ditch the shame around divorce and finally heal so that you can regain the confidence to create your most abundant and joyful future.

I’m so glad you’re here. This is Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

Hey there. Lovely souls. Welcome back to another episode of rebuilding you. I’m your host, Christina. And today we’re going to talk about. Something that can be very challenging, not going to lie. But oh, so important and necessary, especially during the 

[00:01:00] holiday season. Today, we’re going to go over. For. Things that you can do to incorporate during the holidays to. Help you not only get through the holidays with grace and ease. But to also use this time. To help you heal. I’ve been. Talking to a lot of women. In our community of. Divorced women. Getting a lot of feedback. A lot of you this is your first holiday season. Going through divorce. Some of you have been either separated or divorced for, a couple of holiday seasons. It never really seems to get easier. Until we do things. To really help us through it because otherwise. We go in. Creating a pattern. And that’s one thing that I really. Believe in is part of our healing process is to break 

[00:02:00] patterns. I hear you loud and clear on the fact that we want to take this holiday season and not. Just make it through, but. Figure out our own. Way and figure out. What this new season is going to look like for us. So as we approach the winter season, There’s a natural shift. Towards going inward. I’ve been talking about stillness a lot. It’s a time to reflect and heal and really prepare for the rebirth that comes with spring.

And for those of us who’ve experienced divorce this period. Can be a very potent catalyst for transformation. And the reason why I say that is because. It takes opportunities. To put into practice. Things that are going to change and that transformation.

 Yes, it’s. Going to be. Painful. Definitely 

[00:03:00] don’t want to minimize. Anybody’s feelings or pain.

But when we recognize that we are being faced with a challenge, And are looking for ways to. Transform from that challenge when we can look at it that way, as opposed to here’s this thing. And it’s hurting us. To okay. Now here’s this experience that’s happening? How can I make it? Better. How can I use. I use this experience.

For joy. It may not be. This holiday season, this holiday season may just be part of doing the work part of these three tips that I’m going to give to you. You may not. Be able to finish the holiday season saying well that was a lot of fun But you’re doing the work you’re doing the work so that over time It will get better And you will be able to find joy during this time once again. So the 

[00:04:00] first step. Is. Embracing that solitude embracing the stillness. Preparing for it. And the holidays can be a double edged sword. When you’re going through a divorce. Especially when there’s children involved and you have to see people that you don’t necessarily. Want to see. It can definitely magnify feelings. All sorts of different feelings, feelings of anger, of rage. But especially loneliness. As I mentioned earlier, on the other hand, it does provide a unique opportunity. For self discovery and for healing.

I know it can be tough. I remember my first holiday season going through a divorce.

And it was one of those things where. I felt the most lonely when I was around a lot of people. As weird as that sounds. I think a lot of you. Could relate to that feeling. I really. Wanted to be alone. I craved. Being alone.

I wanted to make sure 

[00:05:00] that that time that I was spending with myself. I was really doing things to nourish myself. And I think that that’s a really. A big tool. That worked in my favor. ’cause I just started building off of that. And now it’s something to where I really cherish. My alone time.

But definitely. In the beginning, it felt like something was missing. Going through divorce it’s two people that. Become one to families. That become one. And when you go through divorce. It’s like you have to cut your arm off and function without. Part of your body. Part of. This other half. And you have to make yourself whole. Again, So I definitely felt like. There was something missing. When you think about it, it’s like, If you were to have an arm. That had frostbite. And you had to amputate your arm. No matter 

[00:06:00] what, you’re better off without the arm. For us, thankfully, it’s just a Phantom. Feeling. Like something is missing. Knowing that you will feel whole. So embracing the solitude for now. Knowing that it will not last forever. And. We are already working on the solution. Right. We’re doing the work. So turning the solitude into an opportunity for introspection. And really spending time with yourself, cherishing yourself.

Now the second step. Is. To set new intentions. Winter is a time of hibernation. Time to look within. And get ready for the coming year and this is a specially. Important, because right now, With the pain that comes with divorce and during the holidays, we’re longing for something that is from our past. When we focus on. 

[00:07:00] Those new intentions. We’re shifting our perspective. Even though it’s painful. Just starting to train our mind. To look for what we can welcome. That’s new. We’ll train us. Over time. To not long for our past. I want to invite you to take some time to reflect on what you’ve learned. From your divorce. What you’ve learned from any time that you’ve had to really process what it is that’s happening in your life right now?

And what you want to create in your life. Moving forward. What are you looking forward to? The most. In a lot of my conversations with my clients. We’re just looking forward. To not. Feeling like. Crap. All the time. To actually just finding the light at the end of the tunnel, because all they could see is darkness right now. 

[00:08:00] And that’s okay. To say, I. Want to be able to at least feel some stability. I want to feel peace. It doesn’t have to be material. If material things come up. That’s awesome. If you’re very, vulnerable and fragile right now, it’s okay to want something that just is piece that’s incredibly valuable.

For me. This is when I really started to envision the life that I truly desired. Was during the holiday season. I filed for divorce. Right before Christmas. And so. My whole world. Was shattered during that time. This was really the time that it felt like I was planting the seeds. You know, I mentioned in the beginning that. Getting through this holiday season And doing these action steps it’s not going to be like an instant Thing where we’re Raving about how incredible this holiday season was But it is 

[00:09:00] planting the seeds of our rebirth during the quiet Introspective winter months that’s what nature teaches us All the leaves fall off the branches All of nature goes into hibernation mode preparing for the spring. Okay. And my favorite step three. Create new traditions. The past may be filled with memories of holidays that you shared with your ex partner or when your ex partner was in the picture. With your family as one whole unit. And that’s incredibly painful.

But right now. Is about embracing this time as an opportunity to create new traditions. New experiences that don’t remind you of the past.

So instead of dwelling on what was, I’ve talked a lot about not looking towards the past and really training our mind to look forward. I really made it a point to create new holiday traditions for 

[00:10:00] myself. Things that I really loved about the holidays that maybe had another person in included in that memory. But I figured out how to put a twist on it and how to make it my own. This can include, Going and doing the things that you’ve always loved doing. And doing it differently and thinking of a unique way that would bring you a little bit of joy that would bring you. Some smiles. One of my favorite things is to decorate the tree. Instead of putting up the ornaments that I had. I tried to. Go and find some new ornaments. I didn’t have a whole lot of money at that time, too. Invest in fancy new ornaments. So I actually just went to the fabric store. And got a few. Things of, of ribbon. And a couple of different colors. And I just try to make 

[00:11:00] the tree as festive as I could. With my own personal style and not doing it for this other person, just doing it for myself. What made my soul happy? I also really took advantage of. Doing things to satisfy my inner child. Things like going and looking at Christmas lights.

It’s something that we think that we can only do with kids, but even if you stay in your car and just go drive around and get yourself a hot chocolate at Starbucks and going in your car and playing Christmas music and driving around to a new spot that you haven’t been to before, going to a Christmas themed event that’s in your community or in your town. And then also really cherishing those moments with girlfriends.

 You could do things like having a friends, giving. You could have a girls only gift exchange, things like that, taking people up on their 

[00:12:00] invitations to, going to holiday parties for new circles of friends is also something that. I did two. Help me get in the spirit and also see some new faces. And engage in conversation that did not include. My divorce or everybody knowing my story and asking me a bunch of questions for conversations that I didn’t really want to have.

So. Being in a new circle as well, really helped me too. Too. I just feel a little bit normal like myself. And so I hope that that was helpful, but. That was really, really huge for me during the holidays was to create new traditions. And those are traditions that I still do to this day.

And the fourth item is really just one that is personal and special just for you. And not his. To take a new photo of yourself during the holiday season. 

[00:13:00] Just you by yourself. I want you to get dressed up for yourself, make yourself feel good. And it doesn’t have to be. Anything, super fancy. I just want you to use some of the steps to create space for you to. Feel a little bit of joy. And in one of these moments and steps that you’re doing. I want you to take a photo of yourself. And the reason why I say this is because documentation. Is so important. When it comes to milestones and looking back. I look back and I’m like, Man I’ve come so far. Also a lot of women in our community often will tell me years later about how inspired they are to share their story. With. Other women who 

[00:14:00] might be going through it. These photos. Of ourselves during. Times that are very difficult. Really do help us to tell our story and whether or not. It’s a story that you want to share with others later on. Or you just want to be able to put some of the pieces together. And revisit that story with yourself.

Having the photo is incredibly powerful. And so remember, you can never show this photo to anybody. But yourself, but you will be able to look back at this version of you and remember how brave and strong and vigilant you were during this time you chose to take the steps for yourself for your own worth.

I want this to be. Hope for you. To know that 

[00:15:00] you will absolutely. Get through it. You just got to do a couple of steps time is always moving. We cannot stop time. And so knowing that the holiday season is right around the corner. We’re that much more. Equipped to handle it and to get through it. Now a little bit more prepared. We’ve got some things on our list to do. The first one is embracing the solitude. Really looking forward to that time.

And I just thought of another one when you’re by yourself watching your favorite Christmas movie, that nobody will have an opinion. On which Christmas movie to watch, you can watch whatever one to your heart’s content. tHe second step is. Setting new intentions. Looking towards the new year that’s coming. Planting some seeds. And the third step is to create those new traditions for yourself. Looking inward. And speak with your inner child.

[00:16:00] See what the most fun would be for her to do, and really put your own new twist on traditions that you love and that you want to keep in your life.

So as we navigate the winter months, remember that this is a time of transformation. WInter is the season of preparation of going forward so that comes spring You can bloom And if you’re not following me on Instagram, make sure that you go and connect with me over there. I am going to have a really special opportunity to hop in a container with myself and other women in your divorced community who are looking to grow, looking to heal and really looking to step into the best version of themselves. I would love for you to join us. I haven’t. Quite announced. What the offer is, but make sure to stay tuned because I will be talking 

[00:17:00] about it on my Instagram. So follow me there at her heart heals. And I will have a wonderful opportunity to really help. Carry on with the theme of blooming in the new year. You have the power within you to turn this challenging period into an opportunity for growth transformation and rebirth Thanks for joining me today and remember the holiday season is a chapter in your journey of healing and becoming the beautiful confident and independent woman that you’re meant to be Until next time Take care and keep rebuilding you.