[00:00:00] You’re listening to Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

[00:00:08] Hi, I’m Christina Cuevas. Seven years ago, I went through a divorce and it completely turned my world upside down. And I’m so glad it did. I documented my healing to share information with other women going through their own divorce journey. And now, With thousands of downloads around the world from divorced women just like you, I’m here to show you how to ditch the shame around divorce and finally heal so that you can regain the confidence to create your most abundant and joyful future.

[00:00:38] I’m so glad you’re here. This is Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

[00:00:44] Hey there. Beautiful. Welcome back to another episode of rebuilding you. I’m your host, Christina and your divorce transformation mentor. And today we’re going to be diving into a topic that. Is really [00:01:00] relevant for this time of year. And I got a little inspo from. Our favorite holiday song of all time. All I want for Christmas is you. And just kidding though. It’s not going to be all I want for Christmas is you.

[00:01:15] It’s. All I want for Christmas is me. How to focus on prioritizing yourself. And prioritizing. Getting to know the version of yourself that we so long to step into. And so we really want to focus on how we can heal and grow after divorce during the holidays. The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy and togetherness and love.

[00:01:43] But for those of us that are going through divorce and healing from divorce, trying to. Figure out who we are as individuals during this time. It can be a whole different story. A lot of us [00:02:00] are dreading the holiday season because it makes certain emotions come up. We feel loneliness. There’s memories that come up, it’s bittersweet and the pressure to be jolly. Can really make this season particularly challenging.

[00:02:19] And so I wanted to. Dedicate a special episode. Two things that we can do during this time to remember our why and really anchor in. Our identity and the longing for wanting to be our most confident itself. And be able to really embody. This person that we are trying to figure out, we’re trying to put the pieces together and we’re trying to navigate it.

[00:02:45] I want us to be able to enjoy this time. And have fun doing it. And so that’s what this episode is going to be all about. Be able to both heal and grow at the same time during the [00:03:00] holidays. I really wanted to do this because I was seeing a lot of comments from. Women in our divorce community. Around feeling stuck, feeling. That. We weren’t able to put our most confident foot forward. And this time of year can drag down. The energy. So before we get into it, I wanted to give you a special announcement. I have something exciting to offer for the new year. And really making 2020 for your year and helping you shine as you heal and grow to really carry this momentum with us into the next year.

[00:03:42] And so it’s going to be a workshop that we’re going to be doing on a private channel for free. It’s going to be sometime in the beginning of January. And we are going to workshop together. How. How to. To plan for 20, 24, [00:04:00] how to integrate a lot of the healing and the growth and the method that her heart heals really teaches. Is integrating both of those at the same time. And so really planning out for. Emotional. Wellbeing stepping into your most confident self, prioritizing our goals, figuring out what our goals even And really getting clear. So that. Uh, 20. 24. Is. Is the year that you step into your most confident self and you start attracting the life that you know Is. possible for you after Force. And sometimes all it can. Intake is just a little bit of tweaking, doing things a little bit differently, getting some guidance from someone who has. Done it before. And being able to apply that and really feel supported. So this is open to any woman who is either going through divorce or still on their divorce transformation or healing [00:05:00] journey. And like I said, it’s going to be absolutely free. The link to sign up is going to be in the show notes.

[00:05:07] If you want to be a part of it, it’s going to be a live workshop.

[00:05:10] Nailing down all of the core things that you want to bring for yourself in. in. 2024 and we’re going to be design. Designing that together. So be sure to sign up again. The link is going to be in the show notes for the waitlist and registration. And. Yeah, let’s go ahead and get into the episode.

[00:05:31] I think I’ve mentioned it. Before, but. I filed for divorce. Uh, Shortly after the new year. And so during the holiday season, This was probably my lowest time. I was coming to the realization that. My marriage was going to be ending. I was really wrestling with. Thoughts of. [00:06:00] Sadness feeling lonely.

[00:06:01] I was really searching for a sign. To tell me that I was on the right path.

[00:06:07] And so I was really not wanting to be very. Social during the holidays. I was particularly trying to keep to myself. I was somewhat trying to go and distract myself, but I was also being an introvert. I don’t know if that makes sense, but maybe if you, you can relate to that because I was like, it was like, I was doing both.

[00:06:29] I was like, It sounded like a great idea to go and be social, but then I would go and be social and all I would want to do is go home and be alone. So that was my head space. As my very first. Holiday season.

[00:06:46] Really experiencing divorce. And because that was a very real thing. I wasn’t able to. Get an attorney during Christmas time. So I [00:07:00] just decided to wait until after the new year. But it was a decision that I had already made, but deep down inside, I was just like looking for the validation. Of. If I was doing the right thing, because it felt so wrong.

[00:07:17] The feelings of failure. We’re very real for me during that time. So this time of year does take me back to those feelings year after year. And. Year after year though. I will say. Every time I look back. And I get to see how far I’ve come. So, depending on where you’re at in your healing journey, maybe this is your first holiday experiencing divorce and some of the emotions that come with it. And if it. is. I want you to know that it does get better. Every. holiday season. Is going to get better for you. And hopefully [00:08:00] this episode really helps to set. The tone. Four. For that, and to really help us to shift our perspective and bring some joy because you deserve it, you really do. The first thing that I will say is this is really a great time to start implementing boundaries. And the way that we can do this is because the holiday season, there’s typically a lot of events going on. There’s a lot of gatherings and things like that. By practicing boundaries. You can place a boundary for. Being able to practice self care. Maybe it doesn’t mean not going to the event or gathering altogether, but maybe setting the boundary of a time limit. And sticking to it. So I want you to start to think about. What are things that. You don’t want to be in community or gathering with a bunch of people when you. No, that you have some emotions to [00:09:00] work through. And if that’s true, I, if anything is coming up for you right now, I want you to say, you know, do you really not want to go?

[00:09:09] Or is there a little part of you that does want to go? Maybe you just go for a little bit. And you let the host know or whoever the organizer is for the event, or maybe it’s a large event and you don’t even need a message anybody, but. You can set the boundary ahead of time. So that you could. Be able to go and show up and give your best self for whatever amount of time that you’re allotting yourself. And this is a great way to start putting the boundary. For prioritizing yourself and your own self care. And you can start to figure out. Different ways of communication. I feel like often when. We go to an event and we think like, oh my gosh, I can’t leave. They’re not going to let me leave. When I tell [00:10:00] the host in advance, like, Hey, I’m really struggling and I’m not feeling it today. I would love to still go to the event and be there, but I have to leave by this time. And I hope you can understand.

[00:10:15] And I just wanted to let you know, in advance. Most of the time. That has worked out perfect for me because I can dip out. I don’t need to go through a whole round of goodbyes because I already have this agreement with the host. Hey, if you don’t see me after this time. A lot of my friends and family were very understanding. I mean, even still to this day, I use that even if I’m, if I’m not feeling it for whatever reason,

[00:10:43] I’ll just say, Hey, I can go, but I’m only going to be there for a little bit and I’m probably. Not going to say bye to everybody. I’m just going to leave. That is okay. It’s worked out for me. So boundaries is the very first thing that I would recommend because not only does it help us [00:11:00] prioritize. Our healing and prioritizing what is going to be best for us to work through in that moment. But boundaries. Is also practicing for our growth. We are prioritizing. Something that we need. To help us heal and grow. Boundaries is the perfect place now. As we start to practice boundaries, this is a very small and easy. Gentle boundary.

[00:11:30] I just gave you some tips on how to make it even easier by doing it in advance. And coordinating that.

[00:11:39] But starting to find gentle ways to either put a time limit. Or.

[00:11:48] Give a firm. No, and it can be done in a gentle way. And I think a lot of people are really. Afraid about. Implementing boundaries because they don’t want to come [00:12:00] off like a bitch. They don’t want to come off. Rude. And they’re afraid of what people would think about them. But, like I said, I, every time that I have. I implemented a boundary and communicated it in advance. And in a, in a friendly way. And I was very honest. I mean, Nobody is going to take it personal. If you say that you are struggling. You know, there is, there is nothing about them. It’s it’s a very honest. Place to come from.

[00:12:35] And I think when we do it like that, People are a lot more receptive and boundaries. It’s the practice that. Makes it easier over time to where eventually. You will be so comfortable at boundaries that you don’t even actually have to give an explanation because at the end of the day, you don’t know anybody in explanation.

[00:12:55] So really you could. Not say anything at all, but I give these [00:13:00] little buffer tips because sometimes when. It involves things for people that mean a lot to us. You know, you maybe want to give a little bit of extra communication around the boundary and that’s totally fine, but. Not everything needs an explanation and you will learn that over time.

[00:13:20] So. Boundaries is the first. Thing that I will recommend to helping you get yourself back because. When we also practice. Setting boundaries.

[00:13:33] We’re also starting to learn to listen to our Her voice. To listen. And to saying, Hey, this doesn’t feel right. And we’re beginning honor her. And when we begin to honor her. We know we can gauge. What. We want and therefore stepping more and more into. The woman that we are [00:14:00] seeking to step into and trying to figure out who we are. After divorce, and this really helps us to become more confident. It helps us to. Practice those skills, so that eventually. Things just happen naturally. And we’re able to communicate things effectively. Confidently. And we’re being able to support ourselves in our ultimate growth. So. That is the first thing.

[00:14:30] The second item is reflection. Christmas and the holiday. Day season. Naturally. Rings up. Reflection and wanting to remember memories throughout the year or memories throughout our life. And so this is a great time to look back on your year. Look back on what led you to this moment? And I think that you’ll find there’s a lot of strength.[00:15:00] eSpecially if you were the one that filed for divorce. You have to remember your why?

[00:15:07] I think that if you go back and think about. The moments that led to. Your divorce. You’re able to see and remember. That you were ultimately seeking something better. And if you were not the person that filed for divorce, this is also a great moment of reflection to reflect on when you. Betrayed yourself. For another person. And in those moments when you felt. Your lowest. Feeling and hearing that little voice inside of you that said you don’t deserve this, maybe the voice inside of you, wasn’t saying. To get a divorce and maybe divorce had never crossed your mind in that moment, but there was a little voice in there.

[00:15:53] That told you. That you deserved better. That you did not deserve. A certain type [00:16:00] of treatment. Or maybe it was the little voice that said is this. True happiness. Is this. What I want in my life. So I want you to think back and kind of take stock over this last year. Look back on your journey and look back to those moments. And find the voice and find the power that is going to be part of your, why. And it’s going to be the thing that fuels the fire for you to want to go and seek your best self to seek that relationship of. What is going to make me happy. What. Type of life. Do I want to create for myself because at this point, we already have, if we’re going through divorce or we have gone through divorce, we. I have the freedom. To choose. It’s a blank slate. We get to choose. The path that we want. These are the moments that are super, super important. To reflect back. When it comes [00:17:00] to creating and building a solid foundation for life after divorce.

[00:17:03] Reflection is. Super important because if we don’t know where we’ve been, we don’t know where we’re going.

[00:17:10] The third thing that I will say is to also look into creating new traditions for yourself, this holiday season. Instead of. Dwelling on some of the old holiday traditions that may no longer fit in your life. Consider creating new ones. This is a wonderful way. To really connect with your inner child. Connect with your inner self that. Wants to be joyful. And think about. What would make you the most happy in this holiday season?

[00:17:44] Like what activity. Start to think about new traditions that you can create for yourself. The reason why this is so great is because this is also another form. Uh, really getting back to the root and the essence of who you are. Which is [00:18:00] important too. Being able to put our best foot forward and our most confident foot forward. As. Independent women. So it can be as simple as a solo spot day, a hike in nature, maybe volunteering your time to help a cause. That is really dear to your heart. Those are all great ways. If it is true. To what your heart is. Yearning for. For. When. When. we create. create. new tradition. Traditions. We’re also changing patterns in our mind when we’re doing things that we haven’t done in a long time. It sparks new thoughts. It inspires new emotions and it now attaches new memories. So that over time and every holiday season here after. You’re going to be able to remember the new moments of joy that you brought for yourself.

[00:18:53] The last item is to seek support. Please don’t hesitate to lean on your support system, [00:19:00] whether it’s friends, family, or even professional help surrounding yourself with people who understand and care can make a huge difference. During this time, you’re definitely not alone in this journey. And asking for help is a sign of strength and not weakness. Remember during the holidays, it’s essential to be extra kind to yourself.

[00:19:23] Be patient with your healing process, embrace self-love and take steps to ensure that your growth continues. As I said in the beginning of this episode, I am going to be doing the workshop in early January for us to come together. It is. All divorced women in our community. And I wanted to be able to put together a special workshop for us to. Look at our 2024 and really prioritize our growth and our healing.

[00:19:56] And so this is another form of that support [00:20:00] is a free event. So if that is something that you’re interested in, please sign up. The link is in the show notes. Um, You will be invited to join a private group. And that’s where the workshop is going to be held live. If you can’t make the live, don’t worry about it.

[00:20:17] You will also get a recording, but you’ll also be able to connect with other women in the community that are also taking the workshop, prioritizing their 20, 24. I’ve been dubbing it comeback era. As 2024. So that is what we are going to be focusing on is creating our ultimate 2020 for prioritizing our healing and our growth.

[00:20:43] And this can be a wonderful. Wonderful community of support for you. And so again, you are more than welcome. I would love to invite you to be my guest. And so I will see you there. As the saying goes. [00:21:00] All I want for Christmas is. No, no, no. All I want for Christmas is a me. And it’s not a joke. It’s a celebration of self discovery and self care. I really want you to feel empowered this holiday season.

[00:21:18] There’s nothing wrong with feeling the sadness and the harder emotions that. Is all part of the journey. Journey, but there is also. Joy. And there’s also. light at the end of the tunnel, and there’s also so much love. I hope that you can feel the love that I am sending to you through my voice. I hope that you can feel the support. That my heart is giving out to you.

[00:21:44] You are not alone and you will. Make it through. You will come out of this stronger and better. I promise you. Thank you so much for tuning in today. And remember, the holidays can be a great time for [00:22:00] healing and growth until next time. Take care and keep rebuilding you.