Christina: Hi, everyone. I’m Christina. Welcome back to another podcast episode of Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio. This is a very special episode for me because this is going to be kicking off a series of informational topics all around how to really harness the power of your divorce and make it work for you so that you can then take that, use that as your power, and really attract the life of your dreams and show you how to implement these tools so that you can truly manifest and bring in anything else.

Christina: What do you want in your life, and how to take the experiences that have happened to us as women of divorce and really turn that into something that’s going to work for us, Not to us. So stay tuned. 

Christina: You are listening to Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio. Hi, I’m Christina Cuevas. Seven years ago I went through a divorce and it completely turned my world upside down and I’m so glad it did. I documented my healing to share information with other women going through their own divorce journey, with thousands of downloads around the world from divorce women just like you.

Christina: I’m here to show you how to ditch the shame around divorce and finally heal so that you can regain the confidence to create your most abundant and joyful future. I’m so glad you’re here. This is her Heart Heals Divorce Radio. 

Christina: There’s a whole lot I’m going to be covering over these next few podcast episodes, but for today, I’m really excited because this is sort of kicking off this concept called divorce is your superpower, and it’s an idea, and something that I use a formula with my own personal coaching clients that I work with one-on-one, and I’m really excited to be bringing it out into the world and really sharing some of these techniques with you so that you can begin to implement this in your own life. So no matter where you’re at in the divorce process, this information is for you.

Christina: It can be applied at any time, and what’s cool about it is that the only requirement that you need is to have gone through a divorce. So coming from having an experience that creates a lot of shame and not something that anyone is ever really proud of to now being able to say, this is the only qualification that you need to be here and apply this work.

Christina: So I wanted to just start off by saying that there is no right or wrong way to do these things, to apply these methods. Really, it’s just the internal desire to grow from the experience, to learn what you can work on yourself, and to be able to be resourceful and take the information and apply it to your life in a way that’s meaningful for you.

Christina: We don’t shame anybody here or judge anybody here based on their divorce. This is a judgment-free zone. I myself am also a divorced woman. We will kind of get into my story in a little bit, but today I’m gonna show you how to harness the power of your divorce and turn it into a powerful superpower to use as you move on with your life.

Christina: So kind of to say this in a make it shorter, going through a divorce is the real flex, my friends, I often have. Can I put my divorce on my resume because it kind of feels like I had a part-time job there for a second, right? We have to use so many different skills to go through a divorce, and it’s not easy and so for people. Think that divorce is something that’s easy to go through or to make it seem like the people who go through divorce didn’t try hard enough. I mean, We actually had to be brave to go through this process. It’s not for everybody. Some people choose to stay in a relationship because they fear change.

Christina: Maybe that was you. Maybe you didn’t want to go through the divorce, and you were not the person that initiated the divorce process for you, but for whatever reason, you found yourself in a divorce process, and you had to deal with it at that time, and you might be saying, why is this happening to me?

Christina: That may have been a true, real feeling for you as you are moving through this process and trying to figure out what the meaning of it all is, and so, That’s really why I wanted to start with divorce is your superpower and showing you some of the concepts behind this very, very special event that’s happening in your life.

Christina: So we’re gonna go over that today and really just kind of introduce some of the concepts. This is also where I am kicking off a free resource that I created. It’s a 26 to 27-page action guide workbook called Divorce is your superpower. It is. , it’s an action guide. As I mentioned, it’s packed with questions, processes, and things to implement into your life for you to be able to harness this superpower for yourself and apply it to your own life.

Christina: So there’s a link in the show notes, and so I highly, highly encourage you to go download it. It’s free, and I really wanted to make this accessible to everybody because I know going through a divorce is such a personal journey. It is not something that is easy to invite someone in. And so I wanted to be able to create something for you to go through this at your own pace, but also in a way where you know that I’m here.

Christina: Guiding you through it. I’m here holding your hand in any way that I can. Should you feel that you need additional support, you wanna connect. I also absolutely offer one-on-one services. You can find out more about that also in the action guide once you download it. Go and check it out. Like I said, it’s a hundred percent free, risk-free.

Christina: It’s there for you as you need it with a lot of the steps and things that I use with my own clients to implement them as they’re going through their divorce process. So be sure to check it out. 

Christina: So I kind of wanted to start off with my story because this all started because I went through my own divorce about seven years ago, and I found myself looking for resources, trying to figure out how to.

Christina: Never go through divorce ever again because it was the worst feeling ever. So that’s how her heart heals was born. I went online and tried to look for anything to help me get rid of this feeling of shame that I had. I felt like an absolute failure. I failed at something that society tells us that we shouldn’t fail at.

Christina: Especially when you have people around you who, uh, talk about the tough times and the challenges that they go through in their marriages and how marriages work. And I wanted to do the work. I made the effort, and that just didn’t work out for me. I came to terms and came to the decision that I could no longer be with this person, and I no longer wanted to choose this person as my life partner.

Christina: The damage was irreparable for me, and I could not go another day with that person. So I knew that I was going to be going through a very, very long and scary journey. It was completely unknown because after going through my marriage and you think until death do as part of your whole life plan and everything like I’m a planner.

Christina: I like to think a million steps ahead, and so like, I had my whole life planned out crap. I even have my funeral planned out, and so to kind of unlearn. as someone who’s a planner is very scary. And so I’m sure, if not all of you, most of you can relate to that feeling. And so I searched the internet, just trying to find something to help me get rid of this feeling because I had to answer my friends, my family, and.

Christina: I couldn’t find anything, and so I just realized I figured out the solution. Here’s my solution, right? My solution is just never leaving the house ever again, and you’ll be fine. You’ll never feel shame. And so, for a few months, I did that. I preferred to stay home because leaving my house Felt like I was just more and more brought up, feeling ashamed I had to answer to my friends.

Christina: Answer to my family, answer to. I just felt like I owed everybody an explanation as I was trying to still figure it all out for myself. So, as you know, staying home. And not interacting with anybody is not a healthy solution. I don’t recommend it. In short, in verse alone, time is absolutely a part of the healing process, but becoming a hermit is not the solution to dealing with your shame.

Christina: I had to do something about it. I ended up dusting off some personal development books that I had and just kind of creating my own process and being able to work with what I had, the information that I had at the time. Okay, and so what information did I have? The only thing that I had was a shame.

Christina: So where do we go from there? So, I’ll jump into shame in the second segment, but right now, I wanna kind of dial it back a little bit and talk about the timing of your divorce because that is something that people don’t realize is a gift, and I’ll tell you why there’s. Gosh, I feel like, I think it’s 33,000 people who go through divorce every single year.

Christina: I’m not exactly sure on that, but I can. I’m pretty sure it’s in the 30,000 mark. And so everybody goes through a divorce, but not everybody goes through a divorce at the same time in their life. There’s all these different factors, all these different things that are happening in our lives. Moving pieces, jobs, locations, just so many different timelines.

Christina: But for whatever reason, divorce hit you at a certain time and a certain place in your life. And that moment, my friends is magical. That moment is specifically unique to you, and I know you’re probably thinking, like, Whoopty, do what a gift, right? You know what a shitty gift, what a shitty gift. But I wanted to just kind of start there.

Christina: We all have these large and unfortunate events that can happen to us at what feels like the absolute worst possible. But, like, is there ever a right time to go through a divorce? Right. Um, you know, you could plan around it. I’ve heard of people waiting for their kids to grow up or they wait for certain financial things to happen before they split up with their partner.

Christina: But for the most part, it happens when it happens. And on the flip side, you know, have you ever had an experience where the timing was impeccable, where everything just sort of fell in line the way that it was supposed to? So I wanted you to try that perspective on for just a little bit. And what I mean by that is, I’m gonna kind of share an example.

Christina: So, with my divorce, it was the worst possible moment, right? Just like how I mentioned. And it was not ideal. I had no clue what was going on. I was working for my ex-husband at the time, so I had like no job. I had to start over, completely start over. So again, not ideal. Could not have timed. Worse. But once I embraced that this was happening for me, not to me, and that there was a reason, maybe I didn’t understand the reason at that moment, maybe I wouldn’t truly understand the reason, you know, in three months or six months or even a.

Christina: I knew that there was a reason, and I had to trust that. I had to trust that we were all on these timelines that were put for us and that this was going to be something that was gonna bring a lot of good. I just had to go through it. I had to get really quiet. , I had to find the lessons, and I just had to go through it, and that this was going to be for my benefit.

Christina: I knew it. I knew that. And so I want you to explore that possibility for yourself if you don’t feel that way about your divorce right now. And so when I embraced. , everything started happening that I was not expecting to happen, and it was like good things with where I was at financially and where the housing market was. I was able to close on my own home.

Christina: Wonderful location, like the synchronicities of how that transaction happened, was pretty impossible, like very impossible. It was nothing short of a miracle, and so things like that started falling into place. I got this really great job that just sort of, Seemed like it was created for me, but everything started falling into place when I came to that realization that this was happening for me, and I was open to the possibility of seeing those experiences that way, and I was open to receiving the gifts.

Christina: So the first thing is acknowledging the uniqueness of your experience. And then being open to receiving them as gifts, receiving the information that’s coming through that’s meant for us to learn regardless of what time in your life this is happening to you. Taking a deeper dive as to why this may be happening in your life right now may open up a way to tap into a new way of looking at things.

Christina: I just kind of wanted to reiterate that, and I’ve mentioned envisioning trying on that possibility of looking at this as like a portal. Trusting that there is a purpose behind this experience. This is a gift. It absolutely is a gift as long as you can receive it that way. So, going a little bit deeper, right, we’ve identified that this experience is unique to us on our timeline of what it is that we’re experiencing.

Christina: And now I’m gonna go in a little bit deeper and explain the law of energy, and the law of energy is not something that is woo-woo or created by people who are into the supernatural and things like that. This is physics, chemistry, and actual laws that are put into place, um, in science. And so, When I found out about the law of energy, you can really just apply it to anything because every single thing is energy.

Christina: You me, this water bottle right here, this microphone, every single thing is made up of energy. So I wanted to just kind of introduce the law of energy, that is, energy can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only be transferred or transformed. I’m gonna let that just sink in for a little bit.

Christina: Energy can neither be created or destroyed. It can only be transferred or transformed. , going back to my example that I shared with you about feeling shame and going into like, okay, I’ve realized my divorce is happening to me, and I need to work on it. I need to work on things. Now what? What do I do? What am I left with?

Christina: Well, all I have is the shame, but guess what? Shame is really just an energetic feeling with an emotion attached to it. And so when I realized that I could apply the law of energy, that energy can either be created or destroyed. It can only be transferred or transformed. I thought I would like to give it. My shame as a gift.

Christina: I would just like to transfer. No, I’m just kidding. I said okay. I have this shame here. There’s the energy behind it. Right? Because obviously, we feel very, very strongly about this feeling, or else it wouldn’t be. It wouldn’t like to take over our lives as we’re going through a divorce. Right. Shame is something that, it’s like you can’t get rid of it.

Christina: It’s everywhere you turn. When you’re going through a divorce, it’s, you see it in, at the moment that you walk out, you see it when you look at yourself in the mirror. So we have this, this thing that’s made up of energy that is also a gift. All we have to do is figure out how to harness it. And let me also say that the magnitude of the shame, we thought, okay, this feeling of shame, I don’t even wanna get outta bed because that’s how big and overwhelming it is.

Christina: but what if you could use that, right? The bigger the shame, the bigger the feeling of shame we thought was like a total death wish. We thought it was the worst thing. We just wanted to get rid of it. But what if it’s like the bigger the shame, the bigger the energy that we have, and the bigger the ability that we have to transform?

Christina: into something that’s going to work for us. Just as I mentioned before, divorce being a gift and a unique event for us happening in our life. Divorce is also an energetic portal, and again, I’m not talking like I know I may seem if you guys aren’t familiar with energy or haven’t done around it. I can understand how it may seem a little bit out there, but hopefully, I’ve been able to kind of break it down for you to be able to understand that there’s magic in this event that’s happening.

Christina: As long as you are open and able to see it and you’re able to harness that energy, which you absolutely can do, this shame that you’re feeling can be transferred or transformed, we can transform that into. Something that’s gonna be able to propel us in a direction that we wanna go. We can use shame as an energetic vortex to push us into our best life ever. And so if you are feeling stuck or you’re feeling like, okay, that’s great. I understand what you’re saying, but how in the heck am I gonna do that? I just wanted to remind you, you have access to the free resource. Divorce is your superpower workbook that I put together.

Christina: That is an action guide that’s jam-packed. Put it together myself, literally designed and drafted every single piece of that from start to finish, and really put in a lot of the key practices that are gonna help you use the shame and transform that into doing and implementing these things that are going to bring forth that transformation or that transformative.

Christina: the importance of being intentional about the energy we bring to our relationships and the energy that we bring into how we look at our divorce is a chance to reevaluate our energy as a whole. So I’m gonna just kind of pause there for a little bit and let that sink in. If you resonate with anything that I have said so far, I would love to hear from you.

Christina: So if you’re listening and you’re like vibing with what I’m saying, share a story. Tag me @herheartheals on Instagram, and send me a DM. I love hearing about your wow and your aha moments, and I especially wanna hear from you if you feel excited about this giant room or the magnitude of shame that you feel that you have now discovered can now be transformed into something that’s going to work for you.

Christina: So if that’s you, I absolutely wanna connect with you. I want to hear. What is going through your mind may be sharing in some of the excitement that you are experiencing. So as we’re talking about shame and as we just went over, you know, the law of energy and the portal, now, it’s about using that to transform your life.

Christina: So, using shame to transform your life. We’re really going to get into the nitty-gritty of using shame to transform your life in another episode. I’m gonna be doing a deep, deep, deep dive on that, so stay tuned for that. But right now, really just going over some key points here. So, Shame is just an emotion with energy behind it.

Christina: We usually have our emotions charged by triggers, so think of that as the extreme of any emotion. You’ll be able to relate to the ability that the emotion has that has a level of energy behind it. So I know we talked about it. Seeing the shame as a gift, especially if it feels like it’s kind of taking over our lives or it’s following us like a dark cloud.

Christina: But now it’s about thinking of how we are going to use this energy? that is completely up to us. It’s up to each of us to be able to separate from the feeling. That’s a really big piece of it, right? It’s taking this shame and not feeling like you are the shame you’re able to. It’s like this water bottle here where we’re able to like put it into a container.

Christina: This water bottle is full. Just imagine if this is like shame, even though I’m not gonna, I don’t wanna charge my water negatively, but let’s just say this water is full of optimism, you know, realizing that it’s something separate from me. That you do not have to identify as the shame. You can truly take that energy and put it into a container and separate yourself from that.

Christina: Um, that’s really, really powerful in being able to kind of understand the energetics behind these emotions and really start to work with them and make them work for you. So shame is often seen as a negative emotion, and it can actually be used as a powerful tool for transformation and personal growth.

Christina: Shame can absolutely be a catalyst for change, and it can lead to greater self-awareness and personal development. So I hope that some of these ideas and statements resonate with you. And you were able to take at least one benefit, one takeaway that makes you excited to look towards the future, even if it’s just as simple as being able to detach from the shame and not feeling like you are the shame.

Christina: I think that is my biggest hope for anybody who’s out there struggling with the feeling of shame around your divorce. There’s absolutely hope in the process. There is a wonderful gift for each of you out there. I have no doubt about that. It’s just a matter of utilizing the tools, the right tools, into being able to apply that to allow you to use that law of energy.

Christina: and that’s probably like one of the biggest ones out of, out of everything. But being able to see that and. Separate from it and make these feelings that we label as unwanted or negative feelings and make them really work for you. The opportunities and the possibilities for your life are endless. I’m so excited for you, and again, if you resonate with anything that I said, or you’re curious about it, or you wanna learn more, or you just wanna share something or a thought that came to you as you were listening or watching this, Please, please, please reach out.

Christina: I’d love to hear from you @herheartheals on Instagram. So to sum it up, we talked about mindset, we talked about the timing of our divorce being a gift to us at our, whatever our unique timeline looks like. We talked about the law of energy and how we can use divorce as our energetic portal and really use the feeling of shame and the ability to transform that into energy and put power behind it that is going to give us the opportunity to propel and catapult into the life of our dreams.

Christina: So I am so, so, so honored that I’m here with you on your journey, and I hope that we can continue to connect, and I will see you on the next episode. 

Christina: Take care.

Christina: Wanna learn more? I’m gonna add a link in the show notes to the website, her heart heals.com, and there you can access all of my helpful tips. The blogs are on there, and schedule a session with me. Are you on Instagram? I’d love to connect. You can follow me, and my handle is @herheartheals. Hope to connect with you soon.