Christina: Hello! Hello, hello. We are back with another episode, just me on the podcast. So welcome back. I’m Christina, I’m your host, and we actually have a brand new name for the podcast. I’m excited because I feel like this podcast episode is, In theme with the podcast name change. So just funny how that worked out.

Christina: But this is now Rebuilding You a Divorce podcast for women who would like to be empowered through their healing. And this episode is all about why adventure is really essential in rebuilding you after divorce. And three tips to help you get there. So if it’s something that resonates with you. If you took anything from this podcast, I would absolutely love to hear from you. So if you end up storing on Instagram, tag me at her heart heals and if not, drop me an email. I’d love to chat with you. , so you feel free to DM me free. Free to email me christina her heart heals.com and.

Christina: If it’s something that you wanna go deeper, I also offer one-on-one sessions. So if you’re in the thick of your healing journey right now and you could use some support or some direction, I would absolutely love to support you on your journey. So again, feel free to reach out Christina her heart heals.com or you can find me on Instagram at her heart heals.

Christina: You are listening to Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

Christina: Hi, I’m Christina Cuevas. Seven years ago I went through a divorce and it completely turned my world upside down and I’m so glad it did. I documented my healing to share information with other women going through their own divorce journey, and now with thousands of downloads around the world from divorced women, just like.

Christina: You, I’m here to show you how to ditch the shame around divorce and finally heal so that you can regain the confidence to create your most abundant and joyful future. I’m so glad you’re here. This is her Heart Heals Divorce Radio. So we’re gonna go over, actually a personal story of mine and how this podcast idea was even brought up.

Christina: And hopefully it helps you. I typically do a lot of these podcasts off of experiences of my own. I don’t know if you guys have known this. I went through a divorce about seven years ago. That’s how her heart heals was born because I started documenting my own healing and my own journey, my own quest to heal myself so that I.

Christina: Never had to go through divorce again. Because you know who wants to do that more than once? And so, yeah, I really just kind of started documenting my own healing. I’m really into personal development and so when it came time to heal for my divorce, I’m like, what, what did I miss? I think I’m a pretty smart person.

Christina: And it’s so funny because if any of you guys watch Vanderpump Rules, in the current series, I really resonated with Lala because she talks about how she was really blindsided with the information that she found out about her ex her baby daddy, and. There’s a part in one of the episodes where she was like getting really down on herself and was like, you know, I consider myself a pretty smart person.

Christina: How could I not have seen the red flags? And I resonated so much with that because I feel like I said the exact same thing. During my divorce and I think I just ultimately came to the conclusion that I chose to not see the red flags or I. Not that I didn’t know that they were fully there because they really didn’t get exposed until the very end, but I definitely just didn’t dig any deeper or as deep as I probably should have.

Christina: But anyway, tangent, just because I’ve been binge watching Vanderpump Rules the last season, after just all of the. Social media items I’ve been seeing online and I was like, okay, I am just gonna wait until the whole season is out right up until the reunion so that I could just get it all over with because I do not like suspense.

Christina: Which ties in to the actual theme of the podcast and why adventure is essential in rebuilding you. After divorce. So sorry for that little tangent there. That’s just what’s been up with me. But I just got back from New York. I was. Had to go on this trip. I do have a corporate day job, if you will. And so I had to go on this trip for work and I was gonna be gone for about four days and I had massive anxiety.

Christina: I am just gonna put this out there. I did not wanna go. I kept thinking of all of the different things and reasons of why I couldn’t go, and all of them pretty much came down to. My dogs, I didn’t wanna leave them behind. Some of my dogs have some health issues and so I really was attaching all of my anxiety to not wanting to leave my dogs.

Christina: And I just sucked it up and ended up going to New York. I knew that once I was there I was gonna be okay. But I had a borderline panic attack on the plane there or going there. Um, And I had a really hard time settling in. I had just a lot of anxiety. I gave myself some time between when my work event started and when I got there to really just kind of allow myself to reground and, just do all the things, just really settle in so that I could be fully present and show up, in the way that my job expected me to show up.

Christina: So, Anyway, it wasn’t until, you know, day three or even really like the last day that I was able to relax and soak it all in and it, the realization came to me. Or where it started to kind of come that I needed to dig a little bit deeper is I was sitting at a cafe and I was people watching as one normally does in New York City.

Christina: It’s very hard to, not people watch, but it was just, it felt incredibly humbling. Like, I don’t know how else to explain it, but being around just. So many different people who are all had lives of their own, who were going, you know, to and from work or wherever it was that that life was taking them. But it just really humbled me and I didn’t really know where that humbling feeling came from.

Christina: But then as I started to dig more deeper, I realized that. I had been living in my little bubble. I live in a rural area and I kind of just stick to my routine. I work from home and so it’s really easy for me to just get caught up in my routine and I, it’s consistent. I have all my days planned out.

Christina: I keep a routine also for the sake of my dogs, but also because routine helps me with my goals. Routine helps me. Just keep things in line. I do have a lot of things going on. I have the podcast, I have her heart heels, I have my coaching clients. I have so many things, and then I have my full-time day job and my dogs and all that

Christina: so, routine does serve me very well, but the anxiety that I was feeling came down to that. I was leaving my controlled environment, my predictable outcome days with my routine and leaving that sit type of situation and going to a place like New York City. You’re just like, the humbled feeling was like, holy crap.

Christina: It’s not just me. You know? There’s a world full of you. Billions of other people.

Christina: And so that started really with kind of like my fear of adventure, right? Just kind of became a little bit unhealthy, and. Being in my routine just caused me to never wanna step out of my comfort zone because I was too comfortable like controlling the outcome. But what happens when we live very strictly by routine is that we eliminate.

Christina: Chance. We eliminate possibility, we eliminate surprises. And as someone who’s gone through a divorce and really rebuilt my life from the ground up, you stop really liking surprises because a lot of ’em never were really good. They were not good surprises. And oftentimes, , you just crave a controlled environment, right?

Christina: And so, so anyway, with being in a routine, we also eliminate the possibility for good surprises. And we also. Eliminate new perspectives, which I think was the part of why I felt really humbled being in a brand new environment where I was vulnerable. Right? I was outside of my comfort zone. But being outside of our comfort zone is essential for new perspectives that contribute to us being able to ultimately heal and evolve from divorce.

Christina: We need new adventures to test out our healing muscles and. Really compare how far we’ve come, and we can only do that in situations where we would act organically, right? Like we can only do that when we’re placed in these situations to where we can be able to practice some of the things that we’ve been working on.

Christina: Internally, you know, maybe that you’re working with a coach, maybe you have been taking some classes, maybe you’ve been going to therapy and really been doing some soul searching. But unless we put ourselves in external situations, vulnerable situations, situations that are new, Then we can’t react organically, right?

Christina: Because even if we put ourselves in situations that are common for us, maybe it’s not part of our daily routine, but it’s pretty common. We can rehearse things in our mind. We can rehearse how things are gonna go. We can kind of plan out how things are gonna go, and so the adventure and putting ourselves.

Christina: In new experiences is the only way for us to be able to even see how effective our work is. And in fact, it also made me really appreciate everything that I’ve built so far going out and, and. Experiencing an adventure and experiencing curiosity. The anxiety that I was feeling was really because I am so proud and I love everything that I’ve built for myself.

Christina: After my divorce, I. I didn’t wanna leave my little bubble that I just love so much, but in leaving it just made me appreciate what I have and respected myself for everything that I’ve built so far. And so it’s the same thing about, you know, kind of flexing our healing muscles as well and being able to, apply some of those skills, but then also see how we react in new situations where we triggered, did certain things come up for us?

Christina: Did we react differently than. You know, the person that we were a year ago would’ve acted. so those little moments like that really help us to also measure our progress, which I think is, you can’t pay for that. It’s something that can only be experienced. On an adventure, on something that’s brand new, something where we do not know what’s around the corner.

Christina: But on the other hand, I also realize that adventure can also bring on shame, not feeling worthy of experiencing a fun or thrilling adventure. Because we’re still healing. We’re still really deep in our shame of our divorce, and so I realize that it can be really common to also feel that you’re not deserving of a great and joyful adventure.

Christina: So, If, whatever your situation is, if you find that it’s difficult for you, whether you two get anxiety or you have some shame around wanting to put yourself out there and experience some form of pleasure or fun by going on an adventure. I wanted to just go over a couple of tips that I think would really help you to not go, you know, take a trip, across the country and go to New York, because that’s can be very overwhelming if you’re not ready for that.

Christina: But some gentle ways that you can start to incorporate adventure. So then that way we’re also conditioning ourselves to learning new things. And this is also something that I am taking for myself too, so that I can also condition my adventure seeking muscles and not get so caught up in my daily routine that’s just oh, so comforting for me.

Christina: So one of the things on the list that I have is to go on a day trip. If you can’t do a day trip, then at least changing up a part of your day. And I don’t mean like go and do something, like go and get your nails done. Something that you would do like every few weeks or every couple of weeks. It should be something.

Christina: That you haven’t done in a minimum of six months. So that’s kind of my guideline for an adventure, right? Where you’re able to go and, and bring in that curiosity and experience, just the full experience of not knowing. So changing a part of your day. Whether that be you take the afternoon off from work or you change your evening plans, things that you normally would do.

Christina: Like for me, I would pretty much be widening down by seven o’clock in bed by eight, reading a book, something completely different. Leave your environment that you normally would be in during that timeframe or that time window. it could also even be like even just your lunch hour if you can go, if you can’t afford to leave.

Christina: Another thing, actually I’m working with a coach and she brought up something that for me that was really helpful and she also said, You know, to go and experience working from a different place, like , the lobby of a really beautiful hotel. So I actually thought I really liked that idea because that’s very new for me, very different.

Christina: I work from home and so I, I always just kind of stay in my office. But going out and working in a new environment that I normally wouldn’t work in. Also considered an adventure, so try to change it up, and try to do that often. I would say once a month to really start getting comfortable with new environments, being curious, experiencing other people, other cultures, things like that.

Christina: Another item that I think would really be helpful is to change something about your look. And so this is awesome because it doesn’t require you to necessarily leave your house. Unless you know you’re gonna go get your haircut or something like that. But for me, when I am feeling like I want to take an adventure, but I don’t necessarily wanna like go somewhere, I definitely go and explore changing up either like my personal style, I’ll change how I do my makeup.

Christina: I typically like wear eyeliner a lot, and so sometimes I’ll change it and, you know, start not wearing eyeliner and exploring other makeup routines or something like that. But more often than not, I do kind of, when I feel like an adventure, I cut my hair. That’s kind of how, you know, if you see me with a different hair, which I’m kind of like itching to.

Christina: Cut my hair again, but changing something about your look will also be getting you comfortable with an adventure because it’s how you show up in the world to other people. And when we change something about ourselves, when we show up in the world with that little change or that little tweak, we have more confidence.

Christina: We definitely feel exposed, right? Vulnerable, but like. With a confident touch. So there’s that. And then, lastly, take some sort of transformative modality session. Whether or not you work with me and we do a breath work class together, or we do some hypnosis, there’s a lot of wonderful, amazing online practitioners where you could pop into an online class.

Christina: can go and take an in-person class , Something where you are being guided by someone to a journey. And that journey is an internal adventure. So if going somewhere physically out outside is not for you, go on an internal adventure. If you’re curious and you haven’t, Really gone inward a lot and you kind of shy away from feeling your feels.

Christina: Meditation is a great place to start a guided meditation. I have a few guided meditations on the podcast that you can check out. Breath is also just such a beautiful tool and transformative Modality. That really helps you go inward when you’re being guided by someone. So if that’s something that speaks to you, I’m happy to offer a session and really guide you through.

Christina: An internal transformative journey where you will leave feeling just refreshed, renewed, and you’ll leave with a fresh perspective, which I think is just the most important thing about going on an adventure, is changing our perspective and really changing little bits about us. So that we can evolve.

Christina: We’re all on this journey to heal ourselves. I’m sure that’s why you’re here, why you gravitate towards this podcast. 

Christina: So I hope that that was helpful for you. I hope that you can find the value in going out and taking yourself on an adventure and at least putting yourself out there. And so that way it doesn’t. Make you feel anxious or make you feel shame or feel guilty. So if you’re in the thick of your healing journey right now and you could use some support or some direction, I would absolutely love to support you on your journey.

Christina: So again, feel free to reach out christina@grey-turkey-921039.hostingersite.com or you can find me on Instagram at her heart Heals. Until next time, friends, thank you so much for joining and for being here. I’ll talk to you soon.

Christina: Wanna learn more, I’m gonna add a link in the show notes to the website, her heart heals.com and there you can access all of my helpful tips, the blogs on there and schedule a session with me. Are you on Instagram? I’d love to connect. You can follow me and my handle is @herheartheals. Hope to connect with you soon.