[00:00:00] Hey, babe. Welcome back to another episode of rebuilding you. The podcast, where we dive into topics around everything you need to heal and transform from divorce. And after divorce and how to live life confidently. Even though. We had some setbacks along the way. I’m your host, Christina, and I’m here to help you embrace divorce as a powerful catalyst for growth. Taking you from surviving to thriving. Today’s episode is all about turning pain into power, through the art of healing mastery. Grab your favorite cup of tea. Or whatever fun beverage of choice you have for me, I am sipping on a liquid death. With some element, grapefruit salt. In it. And it is refreshing and delicious. And so I [00:01:00] will be. Sipping on that throughout. The episode,

[00:01:03] You’re listening to Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

[00:01:11] Hi, I’m Christina Cuevas. Seven years ago, I went through a divorce and it completely turned my world upside down. And I’m so glad it did. I documented my healing to share information with other women going through their own divorce journey. And now, With thousands of downloads around the world from divorced women just like you, I’m here to show you how to ditch the shame around divorce and finally heal so that you can regain the confidence to create your most abundant and joyful future.

[00:01:41] I’m so glad you’re here. This is Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

[00:01:47] let’s get into This podcast is all around different topics of divorce because it impacts. Every single area of our life. Divorce [00:02:00] can feel like an emotional earthquake shaking, the very foundation of our lives. I shared over on tick talk the other day, that divorce is very similar to a natural disaster. That feeling of standing on unfamiliar ground. Not having a game plan, not knowing if you’re going to live. After this disaster. Not knowing if you’re going to be okay. Not knowing what the future holds. Very similar. We actually had a recent hurricane scare here in California. And as I was preparing for it, I was like, this feels a lot like going through divorce.

[00:02:44] And let’s be real. It very isolating. Nobody really understands. What you’re going through, unless you’ve gone through it. And so a big part of the reason behind my podcast is [00:03:00] after I went through divorce, I wanted to be able to document my healing and the things that I have discovered along the way in my journey. To be able to share that with you. And remind you that you’re not alone. I’ve been right where you are. And today we’re going to talk about strategies, tools, and practices that can help guide you through this transformational journey. But first let’s chat about. Transformation in general, because. I’m always careful when I use the word transformation, because it feels very permanent. And it can give the impression that we’re going to be completing. Something and starting a brand new chapter, which I mean, of course that’s in theory what everybody wants, but change is so scary. It also gives the impression that we’re going to be this, completely new person. And 

[00:04:00] change on that level. It’s it takes time. You got to dip the toe into the pool and feel the water temperature. So you know what you’re getting into and then over time, You transition from. One version of yourself into another version of yourself and the whole point of this podcast. And why I’ve been able to connect with so many women. Is because we’re all on the same level that we want to use our divorce for something good. We are choosing. To make lemonade out of these lemons.

[00:04:41] And there’s a way. To do that. The core of transformation is about shedding the old and stepping into this new version of yourself. Trust me, I get it. The magnitude of getting a divorce is very overwhelming. And going through it, it feels [00:05:00] like nobody truly understands the whirlwind of emotions that you’re experiencing. But as I mentioned a little bit ago, there is a way to do this gently and without all of this pressure to be someone new. Or feeling inauthentic about it. There’s a way to holistically integrate.

[00:05:19] Your past. And your future. And we don’t have to live. In. The pain of divorce. It’s really simply about taking this painful experience that we can’t change. And using it for good. So today I want to share with you five ways to embrace your divorce as a catalyst for positive change. Straight from my own experience straight from being able to reflect back on my journey and give you. The top tips that really worked for me that were game changers. The first thing that I want to talk about is creating pockets of safe space. This is 

[00:06:00] really crucial. And that’s why it’s the first one. In a previous episode, we did dive deep into the concept of safe spaces. So if you want to go deeper on this topic, definitely go back and check out episode 51. Where we go into all of the ways that you can cultivate a safe space within your home, within yourself. And really going deep on that. So if that’s something that you have yet to carve out, I highly recommend you check out that episode. But much like when we get a cut. You have to keep that cut clean and safe from other elements so that it can heal properly. So that’s really the idea of having a safe space when you’re trying to heal from a very big emotional wound. Identifying safe spaces for you to feel is very important. These are those moments where you can truly be yourself. Without any judgment you can fall apart. You can put yourself back together. 

[00:07:00] And it’s okay. It’s all good. You can get messy. Safe spaces is really just being able to allow yourself to not feel like you have to keep your shit together. All the time. Cause it’s not like that. We look at social media and it’s often. Everybody trying to put their best foot forward. And so in our mind, We are trying to strive for that as our normal and so safe spaces are really just. Ways to tell ourself that it’s okay. To fall apart. It’s okay. If things are not going our way and we just want to sit in it for a little bit. We’re trying to sift through it. And not push it down.

[00:07:47] Safe spaces where you can recharge and regain your strength and build a foundation of self-love. A safe space within yourself and a safe environment to be held in.

[00:07:59] [00:08:00] Once you have your safe space. And you’re, you’re sitting in your space. Then you’re like, okay what do I. What do I do with all of it? And that’s really where an emotional toolkit comes into play. I talk about this a lot. If you’re new to the podcast and emotional tool kit is something that I bring to my clients. And it’s something that we work on cultivating an emotional toolkit. Four. Yourself, not everybody’s emotional toolkit looks the same. Everybody is different. There’s so many healing modalities out there. That it’s not a one size fits all. You have to really be able to cultivate and find that the things that work for you. That allow you to self-sooth so that you have these tools to go to. When you are in it when you’re experiencing it and we’ll get to setbacks in a second.

[00:08:58] But healing is not a [00:09:00] sprint. It’s a marathon. And if you’ve ever ran a marathon, you know, that you have to pace yourself. And. Yes, the journey can be. A lot longer than it needs to be when there’s people who don’t know how to heal. But that’s not us. I don’t know. I don’t know who those people are, but we like to heal efficiently. And. You need to focus on finding those essential moments of joy and peace that you can look forward to. And a lot of that is through the emotional toolkit, the resources and the things that we use to help us feel better. About ourselves, about our situation. And emotionally regulate. Now, depending on where you’re at in the divorce process, it can feel like you need. Instant support. For a lot of us in the beginning stages of divorce. You feel that you need that support, like 

[00:10:00] every hour. Every hour of every single day for many days. You are going to feel like that you are going to feel. That you can’t stop thinking about your divorce and it brings you massive anxiety. That’s a hundred percent normal, by the way. I just want to let you know that if you are deep in it and you’re like, what’s wrong with me? All I can think about is my divorce. All I can. Feel is my divorce. Totally normal. But with our emotional tool kit, we can have some tools and resources to access instantly. So that we can work through it so that those hours, every hour that we need, that support turns into maybe once a day. Maybe once a week. Maybe once a month.

[00:10:51] So creating, cultivating healthy habits. That fuel your wellbeing. It’s [00:11:00] essential. You can’t get to only meeting. Your emotional toolkit once a month until you actually have the proper tools at hand. Because when you don’t. That’s when you start seeking out. Unhealthy. Outlets. That become. Repetitive over time. Because if you don’t deal with your emotions, they’re going to come out in some other way. So would you rather. Take that. And be in control of it. Or it will control you. And I know because that was definitely me. I. I think I’m going to, I have it in my notes to go over in a second, but. I instantly. Dove into. Wanting to numb.

[00:11:57] So what healthy [00:12:00] outlets are you choosing? And in a minute, I’m going to show you one, we’re going to do it together. And it’s going to be great. You’ve got your safe space. You’ve got your emotional toolkit.

[00:12:12] Things are going great. And bam, you get a setback, you got some news that just throws you off your game. You’re probably over there. Nodding your head. Yes, the setbacks. It’s all good when we’re cruising and then those things hit you out of nowhere and you feel so defeated.

[00:12:33] But the power is in having the realization that this is part of the journey. It’s balance. Because if you look at. The yin and yang. The good and the bad, the high and the low. It’s all in balance. And so really. Having the realization that these are part of the journey.

[00:12:58] Is the key. To [00:13:00] balance when you’re in those tough moments. It’s learning how to respond.

[00:13:05] And declaring it as a time to experience joy and peace and reconditioning your mind for positivity. So here’s an instant technique that I want us to do called box breathing. And if you haven’t tried it before, I’m just going to preface it and then we’re going to do it, do a couple together. So box breathing is where you inhale for a certain amount of counts. You hold your breath for the same amount of counts. And then you exhale for the same amount of counts and then you do it. Repetitively.

[00:13:41] But there’s a twist to the box breathing. That I really love. And I. Learned this through. One of my teachers, Joe Dispenza. And when he talks about box breathing, He says that when you are inhaling, And then you pause to hold 

[00:14:00] it. To feel all of the emotion that you’re feeling in that moment. And let it rise to the top. Let it bubble up. To where, when you’re holding it, you’re sending all of that energy to that breath. And then when you exhale it. You’re exhaling it out because it’s already at the surface. You’ve already brought it up. Let’s try a couple. We’re going to go ahead and if you haven’t done it, we’re just going to start slowly. So I want you to go ahead and inhale for four counts. Ready?

[00:14:36] Let’s go. Inhale for four. Three. Two. One pause and hold it. One. Two. Three. For an exhale, one, two. Three. Four.

[00:14:57] Now let’s try another one. And we’re going to go ahead and do [00:15:00] it for six counts. In hell for six. Two. 3 4, 5, 6, pause and hold. Feel those emotions. Let them rise to the top.

[00:15:17] Feel it. And exhale for six one. Two. 3 4, 5, 6.

[00:15:29] You may have noticed as you’re doing this box breathing. Is that you have to control. Your inhale and your exhale, because if not, if you inhale too fast, you’re not going to have any more time to inhale any more air, same thing on the exhale. You have to really time it. And so this really helps us control our nervous system. It helps regulate our emotions. So you just have your first technique. Maybe it’s something that you want to add to your 

[00:16:00] emotional toolkit, but I really love doing this because you could do it anywhere. You can do it in an elevator packed full of people. You can do it at work. You can do it in the bathroom. You can do it in the shower. You can do it anywhere. And so that is really a go-to. Thing for me to do. I do it all of the time. And it really has helped me when I add in that additional layer of letting that emotion bubble to the top when I’m holding it. Because that you can notice as well when you hold your breath and the emotions are there. It is, you can feel it. You can feel the anxiety start to rise. And what about layering? It? And pairing that anxiety. Of holding your breath. With anxiety that you may have about something else. So really powerful. Definitely. Let me know if that resonated for you. If you like it, if you’re going to be using it. Let me know.

[00:16:56] Now we’ve got that full circle of [00:17:00] safe space. Emotional toolkit. And then being able to handle the setbacks. But I want to talk about defining rock bottom.

[00:17:13] Really change can’t come until somebody declares it, rock bottom. And sometimes people think that rock bottom. Is you have a certain definition of your mind of what rock bottom is to society. And you’ve never really thought about your situation as your rock bottom. I know for me, I felt like rock bottom was, if you were a. An addict. Who overdosed and you’re in a hospital and you committed a crime and you went to jail. And you had all these, really messy life and really terrible things happening in your life all at once. So for me, I never really thought that my situation. Was [00:18:00] rock bottom, but rock bottom. Is just a pivotal moment where you decide that things are not going to get any worse than they are in that moment.

[00:18:09] And so I want you to start to think about. What your rock bottom has been for you, where you are going to decide. That is going to be the lowest of your life. That lowest point in your life.

[00:18:25] And then if you choose to see it this way,

[00:18:28] The great thing is that your journey has already begun. Your journey of transformation starts. At that defining moment of when you define your rock bottom as.

[00:18:41] And if it’s right now, maybe you’re saying, well, in this moment this is my rock bottom. And that’s okay. It’s still, already started. It’s now a moment in the past. And so you’re already on your transformation journey.

[00:18:58] By choosing this [00:19:00] means to heal. It’s choosing that things are only going to get better from here. So don’t be afraid to start. And recognize that you’ve already taken a very courageous step.

[00:19:12] That is a pivotal. A moment that I want you to think about.

[00:19:17] And then as we go forward, Cultivating this. Beautiful life of healing ahead. I want to also talk about Holt. Eating healthy outlets. We talked about our emotional toolkit, which is how we deal with. Emotional triggers or how we can regulate our emotions. But I also want to talk about the importance of healthy outlets of the activities that we choose to do. Are you looking for outlets based on wanting to escape? And if you are, it’s very common. And I want you to start to pay attention to when you notice yourself talking about certain activities, is it because in your mind, you’re 

[00:20:00] like, I finally need to get away. I just need a break from all of this. That is how you can start to tell. If you are seeking out, escaping. Versus just an outlet to help you regulate. And trust me. I think I had mentioned earlier about, about alcohol. I was like this too. A long time. My escape was going out with friends. For a night out on the town. And drinking alcohol. Dancing the night away. I had a lot of fun. But I was escaping. A lot of my emotions. I couldn’t sit. In a room by myself and just be alone with myself. At all, it was way too overwhelming for me.

[00:20:51] But as you begin to.

[00:20:55] Take gentle action. You’ll see that healthy outlets are not [00:21:00] about numbing. This isn’t about escaping your emotions. It’s about integrating and living with them. Because I talked a little bit about the yin and the yang and the high and the low, and the point of all of this is really balancing it so that the highs aren’t so high and the lows aren’t so low, you have to be able to have tools that are going to balance those out. So that the low doesn’t seem so big and it’s just instead of this. Massive wave going up and down. It’s more of this study. The steady wave where they’re consistent. And so over time, you’ll have it down to a science that it’s going to be pretty consistent and you can start to take control and feel in control of your emotions of emotional intelligence is what I call it.

[00:21:53] And so there’s an episode also that we talk about the importance of adventure. [00:22:00] And how to cultivate some healthy outlets that really shape your healing journey. And so if you want to dig deeper on that, where if you’re like me, Where you couldn’t even. Be alone for a night in a room with yourself, just with your emotions. Definitely wanting to start taking a gentle approach to cultivating adventure, healthy outlets. So you can dive deep into that on episode 44, and it’s all about how adventure can be medicine and gentle ways to start incorporating it.

[00:22:33] Now you have my five ways to embracing divorce. As a catalyst. And go from being in survival mode, into thriving mode. As we close, I want us to. Go over an affirmation.

[00:22:51] It’s a big part of my practice is to have affirmations about everything. And so an affirmation that I want to offer you [00:23:00] today is. I may not see it now. But the actions that I’m taking to heal myself are paving the way for my future success.

[00:23:10] And I’ll drop it in the show notes. As well in case you wanted to save it.

[00:23:15] But it’s, I may not see it now. But the actions I’m taking to heal myself are paving the way for my future success.

[00:23:25] Thanks for tuning into another episode of rebuilding. You remember, you’re never alone on this journey. Together, we’re transforming pain into power and stepping in to a life you love. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please share it with a friend who also might need some healing magic. And if you’re not already connected with me on email, be sure to join the mailing list so that you can receive the weekly pulse. Where every single week in your inbox, I send exclusive tips, tricks, all kinds of hacks around 

[00:24:00] mindset. Financial. Health wellness, all the things. So definitely check it out. The link is in my show notes, or you can go to her heart heals.com. That’s herheartheals.com. And until next time, keep embracing your divorce as the catalyst for your incredible transformation. This is Christina signing off with love and healing vibes. Stay strong.