Christina: I wanted to come on here and talk about a pivotal moment that we all have to face at some point if we’ve ever been in a failed relationship or marriage. I don’t know about you, but for me, relationships in general, it’s always been really hard to initiate the break in my marriage. I was the one to file for divorce, and it literally felt like I was ripping off my own arm. If you were the one to initiate divorce in your marriage, you probably felt the same. There’s an incredible amount of guilt and shame around this choice, and we are gonna reflect and process through this moment together.

Christina: Welcome to the Her HeartHeals podcast. I’m your host, Christina Cuevas, coming to you from San Diego, California. This podcast is dedicated to all things divorce, healing after a breakup, and transforming your life after. Are you ready for the change? You’ve come to the right. Here we will be meeting with thought leaders and industry experts, sharing as much information as I can to help you on your journey.

Christina: You are safe here, and you are loved here. If you’d like more information or to sign up to our newsletter, go to www.herheartheels.com and now onto the episode.

Christina: Hey guys, welcome back to a new episode. This will be a mini-sode talking about the decision to file for divorce. If you were the one to file for divorce in your marriage, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. I’ll start off by prefacing that one thing that’s hard for me, in general, is that I always wanna see the good in people and would tell myself that this was just part of being in a relationship, accepting someone for better, or for worse.

Christina: Marriage is hard work, people would say. So I just thought that this misery was just part of the package. Hang on just a little longer, I thought, and you’ll have that amazing relationship. Does this sound like you? There’s also the fact that we just don’t wanna fail. After all, we made a huge commitment to include someone else in our lives, and to break it off would mean that we didn’t stick to our commitments.

Christina: Does that make us quitters? No, I never wanted to initiate a breakup because I was scared. Scared that the problem was me, and if I just changed, then maybe it would get. But it never did, and I woke up one day, so changed unrecognizable to myself in a mirror. 60% of marriages in the United States end up in divorce, and I did not wanna be another contributor to this statistic, but you see, there comes a time when we have to ask ourselves, is this worth fighting for or is this relationship just truly not for me. At what point do you set the boundary for yourself and honor yourself? I’m sure during this time, you battled between if it was your head talking or your heart. Which voice do we listen to? 

Christina: Sure. Every relationship has their challenges, but there has to be a line where you are just unable to compromise anymore, and this is where that moment of clarity comes in, where the real you, the you that’s screaming from inside, wanting to be heard, comes out. Walking away from a marriage is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. If this is you, I’m sure you’ll agree after all. It’s not something to take lightly, ripping off the arm. Remember?

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Christina: So let’s go back and talk about guilt and shame. If these were some of the feelings that you had when you were making the decision to initiate divorce. The guilt is just there to let you know how selfless and human you really are. Maybe you have children in your marriage, and you couldn’t bear the thought of having them grow up in a broken home, or maybe all of your friends and family around you are married, and the thought of telling them that you’re getting a divorce made you feel like you were letting them down, or perhaps your religious beliefs made you feel like what you were doing was shameful. 

Christina: Guilt and shame are sensory emotions that come into play to act as little alerts to make sure that we think through our decisions. If you don’t have those feelings when making this decision, then I don’t think you would be human, but in no way does feeling these emotions make your decision wrong. I’m sure you processed through some or all of these things. And if you made the decision to file for divorce after weighing those options and playing out all of the scenarios, which I’m sure you did. Then at the end of the day, you did what was right for you.

Christina: Whatever your situation was, I wanna take you back to that moment that you decided you couldn’t do it anymore. Do you remember that day? Perhaps it was one action that happened, and the thought popped in your mind, and you all of a sudden knew that that’s what you had to do, or maybe it was something that’s been brewing for a while, and you had this moment of clarity. Take a minute to reflect on this time because it’s important, and I’ll tell you why. That particular moment represents a value that you have for yourself, a shift that happened. It’s our intuition or your unconscious mind that usually brings these truths forward. And if you had a moment like this, let me tell you, you did the right thing.

Christina: In order to be the one to initiate a divorce or break up, you have to be incredibly brave. Brave, because you’re putting yourself first after so long of maybe putting someone else first, you listened to your inner voice and took a stand for your own happiness. There is no shame in that, friends. In fact, it should only show you what barriers you’re capable of breaking through in other areas of your life.

Christina: This is a powerful moment, friends, and instead of burying this feeling, I encourage you to honor yourself for it and use this as an example for when you’re looking for strength or bravery to overcome anything in the future, that might seem difficult.

Christina: Wanna learn more? I’m gonna add a link in the show notes to the website, herheartheals.com and there you can access all of my helpful tips, the blogs on there and schedule a session with me. Are you on Instagram? I’d love to connect. You can follow me. And my handle is @herheartheals hope to connect with you soon.