[00:00:00] Hello. Hello. Beautiful. Welcome back to rebuilding you. This is your sanctuary for empowered healing and rediscovery after divorce. I’m your host and divorced transformation mentor, Christina. And if you’re here, chances are you’ve navigated or thought about navigating the rollercoaster of heartbreak.

[00:00:19] And now you’re wondering. When and how to reenter the dating scene, or if it’s just not for you altogether, maybe you’ve had some negative experiences already. You’re not alone. My inbox explodes with questions and stories about dating, leaving me with one undeniable truth. You deserve clarity. Guidance and a little tough love along the way.

[00:00:49] So strap in ladies, because this episode is a little bit of a map and compass, a little roadmap check. We’re going to dig [00:01:00] into those internal dating red flags, the ones that are whispering. Hey, maybe wait a sec. We’ll expose the not so awesome reasons to dive back in and offer you tools. That are going to help you get back on track and really create fulfilling connections.

[00:01:22] So let’s start with some honest confessions, can really lead to some big breakthroughs because after all, that’s what I’m here for. I, my passion is to help guide women going through divorce, through all of the sticky places, the places that we’re a little bit scared to go on our own and here to show you that you can do it. We can get through it together.

[00:01:46] And not only are you going to crush it, but you’re going to come out so much better on the other side. So we’re here to help each other elevate. So. I wanted to start off by reading one of the messages that came [00:02:00] through, because I think it really relates to so many of us. This is a question that came through in our divorced community and it says, been divorced about four years. My ex already is married for about four and a half. Go figure. I was involved in a very toxic relationship, I went on a great first date this past weekend, and I can’t help it feel so discouraged. This dating isn’t for me, we had a great time and I let my guard down a lot for a first date. And I’m just so upset because he had hasn’t even had the decency to text me regularly. Or ask how my day has been, I want to throw in the towel, but I also want someone to love me so bad I just don’t think this dating thing is for me, really feeling down.

[00:02:47] My heart goes out. To this woman who was brave enough to really go there and to get vulnerable and really highlight a lot of the concerns and the things that she was feeling and the way that she was able to [00:03:00] so eloquently describe. What was going on. And the thing is like, even if you think that. Saying something may not be helpful. It is helpful to at least say it out loud. And when you say it in front of a divorced community of women, That’s so many people can relate to. A lot of us are going through the same things. It helps us to not feel so alone. So. I told the girl that wrote this, that I was in the process of creating a podcast episode. So if you’re listening to this. Bravo for getting in touch with your vulnerability and really being able to go and explain everything that you’re feeling. And to everybody else that’s listening, maybe one or everything that she had mentioned struck a cord. I wanted to really dedicate. An episode to some of the red flags that [00:04:00] are internal alarms sounding off. That we don’t necessarily know to pay attention to because we just haven’t been told that these are red flags.

[00:04:13] And so. When I saw this comment, I did notice a couple of internal alarms that are going off for her. And wanted to just provide a little bit of guidance. On some of the red flags that I continuously see with my own clients. That I work with and within our divorced women community.

[00:04:35] All right. So I’m just going to go right in to one of the red flags. She didn’t talk about it on what I just read, but. That burning desire for a one night stand to. Help with some of the loneliness help with some of the feelings for craving attention. And maybe you’re even like, I just need a force myself [00:05:00] to have a one night stand or to get a friend with benefits. So that I could like make sure that everything still works and that I know what I’m doing so that when a real relationship comes in, I’m ready.

[00:05:13] Test driving cars is a great analogy to apply towards dating. I would not recommend. Trying out a whole bunch of different models. For sex and one nightstands. We’ve all been there, but here’s the truth. My love. Sex is sacred. And when you’re still mending a broken heart or you’re still trying to figure out. What it is that you want. Using it as a band-aid. Only delays your healing because it can also create further confusion. It can lead to.

[00:05:52] Complications in what it is that we are truly trying to attract in our life. I don’t know if you’ve ever [00:06:00] experienced. Going and having intimate relations with someone. And then ultimately that turning into like a situationship it’s only going to further. Cloud. The end goal, it’s only going to complicate your life in a way that doesn’t need to be complicated. And sex is an energy exchange.

[00:06:23] Like I don’t care what anybody says. But when you have sex with somebody and you give. All of yourself to somebody else. There is an energy exchange that’s there. And. If you are able to have sex and not feel anything that also in itself, Is a red flag. I would highly, recommend that you do some of the inner work to really deep dive. As to what. Type of wound is there that is allowing you to sort of shut that piece of you off.

[00:06:59] Now, [00:07:00] how about that little sneaky voice?

[00:07:02] That’s whispering. Everybody’s coupled up, like shouldn’t I be too dating out of societal pressure or the need for attention is like sailing without a destination. You’ll end up on everybody. Else’s map lost an unfulfilled. And so instead it’s really important to. Figure out your own desires, your own values, your own boundaries first, and then using that as a foundation to go outward. And so speaking of desires, I wanted to also address the missing puzzle piece syndrome. Thinking that. This new person that you’re going to be dating will complete your post divorce picture or will magically step into where your marriage left off is a recipe for disappointment. Every [00:08:00] relationship is its own canvas.

[00:08:02] It’s not a puzzle. You have to respect. And be open enough to know that it’s a fresh start. You get to paint your own vibrant masterpiece and you get to do it a little bit differently this time. If we are going in with the expectations that this other person should. Do things that your ex partner. Did. Is not really embracing the unexpected beauty of co-creating a relationship and we’re setting this person up for failure.

[00:08:32] We’re having them ultimately fit inside of our box and being unwilling to compromise. And let’s say you do find someone that you can sort of mold into. Completing all of the things that you feel need to be completed based on your past relationship. It’s only going to allow you to continue to live in some of the patterns [00:09:00] from your past relationship and our past relationships have ended in divorce.

[00:09:05] And so the last thing that you want is to have somebody come into your world. Living in the same pattern or with the same. Objections and expecting the same thing from this person that your ex did. Only to then basically continue a mimic of your past relationship. And so we want to really make sure that the relationships that we encounter. Are. New and better, and that you’re treated better and that you feel better. It’s not about continuing to feel the same. And so again, this can be. Resistance to change. And resistance to change doesn’t work when we’re trying to grow.

[00:09:49] It doesn’t work when we’re trying to elevate and live a better life and really use our divorce. As a catalyst for growth and to be able to step [00:10:00] into a better life.

[00:10:01] And so I always say , if you want something that you’ve never had, you have to do things that you’ve never done. And that includes creating different relationship types, because that is the only way. That we are truly going to be able to get that feedback of being in a relationship with somebody that truly loves us based on our. Foundation of healing.

[00:10:29] And so speaking of respecting a fresh start, I am so excited because I’m launching a brand new program called anchored, and it’s going to help you do just that.

[00:10:39] It’s an eight week journey designed to build an unshakable foundation of self-worth confidence, emotional resilience. The perfect anchors for navigating post-divorce. Elevation and the dating scene. And guess what? I’m opening up a limited pilot group for a select few of [00:11:00] you, incredible women who are really ready to truly anchor themselves. In their own strengths so that you can then create a life of unlimited potential, really being able to create abundance and manifest and step into this life that you’ve never dreamed of. Not to just pick up where you left off from your divorce and trying to find a relationship that. Mimics where you were at pre divorce. This is about taking your divorce, seeing it as an opportunity, really working with the magic of that. And being able to say, I came out of this. Better than ever.

[00:11:42] It is going to be incredible.

[00:11:44] And if you’re interested in applying, I’m actually going to be opening up applications for this group because it’s intentionally going to be small. I am probably never going to offer this. Type of program live ever again. I’m [00:12:00] putting this together with women who are really ready to work in collaboration with me to get my feedback on things and really help them build something incredible for their life.

[00:12:11] So if that’s you. Send me a DM over on Instagram. And let me know that you’re interested or I’m also going to be opening up applications during my next free masterclass, which is going to be next week. And you can register to that over in the link in the show notes.

[00:12:29] So now that we all know that there’s a green-eyed monster named comparison. Please, please, please. Resist the urge to set sail just because your ex is already cruising with someone new. This isn’t a race. It’s a journey. And your finish line is defined by your own joy and your own fulfillment and not somebody else’s timeline. I got a lot of messages saying, you know, my ex is [00:13:00] already dating someone. And they’re wondering like why I’m still single and unless you’re one of the lucky ones that has a great relationship with their ex partner. You know, um, I hear a lot of women feel really down about their worth, whether or not they’re. Uh, capable of love again, and you feel really discouraged when your partner is in a new relationship and you start to compare. Again, this is not a race.

[00:13:27] This is not a game of comparison. This is not a challenge. Like you are on your own timeline and really being able to connect with your intuition and trusting the process. Is going to be your best friend. This is really where. Self-love connecting with yourself, really being clear on your inner voice and knowing how to trust yourself. Is. What comes into play here and let’s face it.

[00:13:57] Comparison can be a real thief of joy.[00:14:00] That’s why I’m hosting a free master class called you 2.0. You get to reconnect with the magic within, through breath work and self-discovery. During this powerful hour, I am going to be guiding you through a breath work experience. As well as sharing tools to help you rewrite your post divorce narrative and help you step into your most empowered self it’s the first time I’m ever offering a breathwork experience on a masterclass, this is something that’s typically only reserved for my private clients. But I feel that it is a really powerful tool. That helps you. Discover what real inner connection feels like. And being able to lead from that place is powerful. It’s the perfect antidote to comparison. And a sneak peek into the magical program of anchored. So you can register for free at the link in the show notes, [00:15:00] I’m not going to post this on the podcast, so you have to be able to register so that you can either a attend live, which is going to be the most beneficial because I’m going to be there guiding you live through the whole thing. But if you cannot make it live, you will also get access to the replay. So register for free at the link in the show notes. The masterclass is going to be sometime next week. I’ll you’ll get all of the details, in your email. Okay. So finally, there’s that pesky internal clock. That’s ticking, screaming. Oh, my gosh. It’s already been, you know, For years or however many months.

[00:15:42] Shouldn’t I be dating already. Girl. I’m here to tell you. Stop. Time isn’t a dating app filter. Healing happens at its own pace and rushing just because the calendar demands, it [00:16:00] is like going into a storm unplanned. You have to be able to wait and be patient for those calmer waters and really learn how to listen to your internal compass and trust that when the time is right. That opportunity will present itself to you. Remember everything that happens in our external world is a mirror. It’s a reflection of the things that are going on inside of us. Again, Everything that happens in your external world. Is a mirror. Of things that are happening. Internally. And so we can’t expect the perfect relationship and the perfect person and the perfect partner to come into our lives or even the perfect opportunity.

[00:16:53] Right? The perfect job, the perfect, scenario, the most ideal situation of your life. You [00:17:00] can expect that to happen. If there’s still stuff to work on on the inside, you’re only going to get things that match you at an energetic frequency.

[00:17:09] You know, what else makes you feel good?

[00:17:11] Prioritizing your own healing before opening your heart to others. Men yours with love explore find your tribe rediscover your passions. And if you haven’t found a tribe yet? Well, yes you have, because they’re already part of the, her heart heals community. If you’re listening to this podcast and if you register for the free master class, you’ll automatically get. enrolled in the, her heart heals insider group. Which is a private email group that I have with only women who are in our divorced community. So welcome.

[00:17:47] Welcome. Be sure to either register for the masterclass in the show notes, or you can also just In role and register for the, her heart heals insider. So then that way you’re at least on my [00:18:00] email list. And you’ll get tons of guidance. Tons of connection with me. We go over coaching, we go over growth.

[00:18:06] We go over empowerment, everything that you need to be set up for success after divorce.

[00:18:11] And so remember you cannot love somebody else until you fully love yourself. And speaking of self-love, I invite you to dive deeper with my signature program anchored. It’s going to be your roadmap to building an unshakeable foundation of self-worth confidence and emotional resilience. I am so, so, so excited.

[00:18:34] Okay. So as we close out, I really hope that this episode was helpful in helping you to really connect with some of those. Feelings that we may have around dating and potentially having those be recognized as red flags and opportunities to go deeper and really heal within ourselves. There’s so much opportunity when we have these red [00:19:00] flags or moments of feeling discouraged, lean into that. Remember dating after divorce is an adventure.

[00:19:07] It’s not a competition. So this is really good about. Paving your own way, letting your inner compass guide you and really sail towards the vibrant connections that await you. Once you are fully stepped in an anchored into your foundation. If you love this episode, don’t forget to rate and review this podcast and share it with your fellow sisters in healing together. We rewrite our narratives. We rebuild our lives. And we discover a brighter future that. Really puts any shame of divorce to bed. We rise together. So until next time, stay anchored on your strength and shine on. I will see you on the next one. Bye.