Ep 82 Ditch the Comfort Zone: Mastering Risks for Your Post-Divorce Comeback

[00:00:00] You’re listening to Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

Hi, I’m Christina Cuevas. Seven years ago, I went through a divorce and it completely turned my world upside down. And I’m so glad it did. I documented my healing to share information with other women going through their own divorce journey. And now, With thousands of downloads around the world from divorced women just like you, I’m here to show you how to ditch the shame around divorce and finally heal so that you can regain the confidence to create your most abundant and joyful future.

I’m so glad you’re here. This is Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

Hey, Hey ladies. Welcome back to the rebuilding you podcast, your go-to for rebuilding your life, your mindset and your soul after divorce. So let me ask you something. How many of you feel like getting married was like [00:01:00] V ultimate risk. It actually. It kind of is, you know, like jumping out of a plane without checking the parachute and oops. Fallen right on your face or on your ass, I should say. Divorce heads and suddenly it feels like you have face planted on the ground.

Right? Something you were so sure about till death do us part. Something that you thought was going to last forever and yet. Here we are. Right. So what would make you want to continue to take risks afterwards? Something like that. I was recently.

Made aware of a home that went on the market. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve seen my home and how much I love it. It’s the home that I purchased right after I got divorced. I purchased it myself. And I’ve built a lot of memories here, and I’ve always said, it’s got to take the right house for me to ever even want to move.

. And [00:02:00] I don’t know where this house went on the market. And. It was sold and I told myself, The next time that this house goes on the market, it’s going to be the right time. So that came and went. Four months later, I’d still been thinking about this house every single day, driving by it.

It’s fairly close to where I live now. And was picturing myself there. And I had just told myself, I have got to make friends with the new owner and let them know if they’re ever in the market to sell their home. To think of me first and to be considered us like the first buyer. So that thought was in my head. And three days after that, I went onto Zillow. To go and look up the home and lo and behold, This is how crazy manifestation is guys lo and behold. This house went on the [00:03:00] market. Just three days before.

So. At the time that I was having that thought about making friends with the new owner. That new owner was getting ready to list that house for sale turns out. The house, wasn’t what they had wanted originally. It’s a, it’s a fairly small house. Like it’s, it’s nothing, nothing major. Uh, but it was perfect for me. And they decided that they wanted to live in another house.

And so I was like, oh my gosh, this is it. This is the moment. And so I went and I toured the home. It was beautiful. And left with just having to make this decision. And going home and realizing, okay, now I, I am. Thankfully in the position to be able to afford this home. It’s significantly more than, than my home now. And. I knew that I had to make a decision on [00:04:00] whether or not this was a risk that I wanted to take. And I’ve been doing a lot of healing over the years.

It’s all of my journey I share with you guys. And part of that is also assessing risks and being able to take the right calculated risks. I ended up determining that this was not the risk for me. Mostly because it wasn’t aligned with the life and the lifestyle. That was really important to me. And we’re going to get into that in this episode. But it led me to think about life after divorce and thinking about how closed off from taking risks. We get naturally from going through an experience like this.

So once you go through a divorce, what happens next? Are you still the risk taker that you used to be? He has divorced, knocked you down, knocked the wind out of your sails. I pulled [00:05:00] the incredible women in our community over on her heart heals over 2000 of you. And here’s where you stand on. Risk-taking after divorce. 33% of you. Are out there taking risks like a boss and very much align with being able to take risks and wanting to take risks.

19% of you used to be risk takers used to identify yourself as a risk taker, but after the divorce. Nope, you’re playing it safe. You would rather just be in the comfort zone that you have worked so hard to create for yourself. 19% flat out do not like risks. You guys are very much averted to taking risks. And 29% of you. I want to take more risks, but you’re terrified.

So, ladies, I knew that we had to do an episode on this because , spoiler alert, the [00:06:00] things that we avoid are usually the things that we need. In order to grow in order to take our life to that next level, in order to realize our dreams in order to see our fullest potential. In this lifetime, because this is not your practice life.

This is real life.

 Taking risks is no exception. If you want the life of freedom, miracles and peace after divorce, we have to learn how to embrace the risk taking. But how do we get there? Risks are so scary, right? How do you know what the right risk is going to be? And that’s exactly what today’s episode is all about.

So let’s turn you into a risk taking queen. Are you ready? Now I get it. Trust me. I’ve been there after my own divorce. I had this real intense pull to stay in this nice little comfort zone. Right. I. Needed safety, [00:07:00] predictability. No more curve balls. But here’s the thing. The comfort zone is cute for a little bit while you’re finding your ground while you’re finding yourself, but it’s not where the magic happens.

You can’t live your best life full of peace on purpose. If you are too scared to step out of that safety net. And sometimes we stay in that little comfort zone a little bit too long and yeah, taking risks can be scary, but if we let fear drive this bus, we will never see the life that’s waiting for us on the other side of risk. So, let me ask you. Where are you playing small right now? Where in your life are you craving for something more, but fear is keeping you stuck.

Fear of making. Maybe it’s the wrong mistake. Maybe it’s not the ability to trust yourself if this is the [00:08:00] right answer for you. Maybe it’s in your career, your next business, venture your side hustle, a move that you’re wanting to make, or even just taking the leap to set some boundaries and live life on your own terms. Do you have something to mind? Hold onto that one, because we’re about to dive in.

 Want to get into the three things that you need to be sure of before taking risks now. I’m not talking about taking wild, reckless risks here. I know we’re not out here trying to make life harder

when I work with clients, I teach them how to take calculated risks. You don’t just leap and hope for the best, you know exactly where you’re going to land. And how to weigh out the risk versus the reward. And let me tell you, when we get clear on a few key things, taking risks starts to feel like. Less of a gamble and more of an [00:09:00] opportunity that you’re ready to see, and it gets very clear and very easy.

And it’s something that invigorates excitement versus making you want to go run and hide and never address the risk. So what are these things? Let’s break them down right now. The first thing that I want to touch on that you have to be sure of is sure of your values first up. We got to know. What are they?

What’s a non-negotiable for you. What are you not willing to compromise on no matter what. Do you know exactly what your core values are. Knowing your core values is like having a map when you’re out in the wilderness. If you know what matters to you the most, you can navigate any risk with clarity. Is it freedom? Uh, family creativity impact. Take a look at your values.

I want you to write down. Your five values of where you’re out right now and looking at your [00:10:00] values is also a really important thing to do, I would say, even on an annual basis. So if you haven’t looked at your values and you’re like, yeah, I know exactly what my values are. I bet if you really looked at them and you analyzed some may change, so make a little note or an action plan for yourself to go and pick out what your five values are for your life right now. When you take risks that are aligned with your values, the fear starts to melt away because you know that you’re moving in the right direction and anything that you take any decision. Or a step that you take. You can measure it against your values and things will just start to make sense.

If it doesn’t align with your values, then. You’re not going to go there. For me, one of my top values is financial freedom. Freedom to live life on my own terms. And so when I take risks, I’m always asking, does this align with my [00:11:00] dream life? Going back to the house situation. I really value, like I said, financial freedom. I have a goal to be completely debt free.

And that includes my home. I don’t ever want to have to be put in the position. Of where I was fearing, where I was going to live next. That’s a big trigger for me that I had to work on throughout my divorce. And life after that. And so now that I’ve been able to build a nest egg for myself and have some cushion there going into more debt. Uh, it doesn’t align with my dream life.

So being able to have my values. Right in front of me that I could measure against when I was making the decision, whether or not to put an offer in on this home. I was super helpful because I didn’t feel so in the dark, like I mentioned, it’s like that map when you’re out in the wilderness, I felt that I was [00:12:00] making the best decision for me. And I had could only have gotten there.

Had I done the work on my values? If you need a list, I have a list of over 150 values possible values that I can send to you. DM me on Instagram. I’m at her heart heals. And just let me know you want the values list. I’ll just send it to you right in your DMS and help you get aligned with your values. The second thing that you need to know and be sure on is your purpose, what are you here to do in this lifetime?

What did God or the universe. Put you on this earth for, and why? When you’re clear on your purpose, risks don’t feel as risky anymore. Kind of a same thing with values. They become steps towards fulfilling your mission. And so your purpose is your why and when you know your, why. You can handle any how. [00:13:00] And all of these decisions start to make sense. You can sense a theme here, right of this deep inner knowing within yourself of certain guidelines that you’re going to build for yourself and for your life to where you’re able to take risks that will help you quantum leap yourself faster and closer to your dream life. So what’s your purpose?

My love is it to create something beautiful. Is it to help others? Is it to build a legacy for your family? I get clear on it, write it down, keep it front and center. I actually have mine in my phone. Because when you’re standing on the edge of that next risk. Your purpose will be what makes you say, you know, what. Let’s do this.

I’m I’m game. I’m playing not going to do the sidelines. I’m going to be fully in the game.

And finally. [00:14:00] What do you actually want? Like, what kind of life are you building? If you don’t know what you want. How are you going to know if the risks are actually worth taking? Having a clear vision of the life that you want makes the risk taking process really exciting. As I mentioned the beginning, like. It helps you feel more invigorated towards your goals? ’cause, you’re not just jumping into the unknown.

You’re taking actual steps towards your dream life and those steps involve risk. So let’s get clear on your vision and use that as your north star. For me after my divorce.

I wanted to live a life that felt free. Peaceful and filled with purpose. And so now every risk that I take is weighed against that vision. Does it bring me closer to that? And if it does, I’m all in and if it doesn’t, then I pass and [00:15:00] mind you, this has become a practice. Over time with strategic steps that I do.

And it’s also what I help my clients do as well in their own life and really come up with. All of these things, to be honest with you, we start with values. We start with purpose and we start with what you truly want out of your own authentic and unique life. And we make it happen. So now that you know, these three things to get clear on your values, your purpose, and what you want. Let’s make it actionable.

Here’s what I want you to do. Take a few minutes today to write down your top five values. Again, if you need the sheet of the like hundred 50 words, just DME on Instagram, just say, Hey, can you shoot over that values list? And I’ll get that over to you. , Then you want to get super clear on your purpose?

Why are you here? What lights you up? The third step you’re going to want to do is create a vision for the life that you [00:16:00] want. After divorce. How was this life going to be any different, any better than the life that you had before? How do you want to feel, what do you want to experience? Write it down and make it real. And remember you’ve already taken the biggest risk out of all getting married, committing to yourself, committing to another person. And then walking away and going through a divorce when it didn’t serve you anymore, even if you didn’t want the divorce, you still had to go through it and look, you’ve done the hard part. Now it’s about taking those next level risks that align with this life that you’re building.

One of my clients let’s call her. Jane came to me feeling completely stuck after her divorce. She used to be a total risk taker. But she had lost her spark and lost her confidence. And once we worked through her values and her purpose, Jean [00:17:00] started making bold moves in her career. She launched a side hustle, helping dogs, something that she’s been terrified to do before.

And now she’s thriving. She now has multiple streams of income. And excited to take even bigger risks. And we work together to really come up with this plan so that everything is mapped out for you. And that’s exactly what I want for you too. Okay ladies. That’s all for today. If you’re ready to stop playing small and start taking the kind of risks that will actually bring you the life that you’re dreaming of, I am here for it.

 I have something fun for you that I think you’re really going to enjoy. I have a personalized quiz that you can take to see exactly what your post-divorce comeback style is. Along with the aligned action based on your comeback style that you need to take in order to achieve your dream life.

And I’ll give [00:18:00] you a free personalized plan. The link is in the show notes of let’s get you aligned with your next level. So that risk taking becomes second nature. Again, you can catch the quiz link to take absolutely free in the show notes. And until next time, keep chasing your best life. And I will talk to you on the next one.