[00:00:00] You’re listening to Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

[00:00:08] Hi, I’m Christina Cuevas. Seven years ago, I went through a divorce, and it completely turned my world upside down. And I’m so glad it did. I documented my healing to share information with other women going through their own divorce journey. And now, With thousands of downloads around the world from divorced women just like you, I’m here to show you how to ditch the shame around divorce and finally heal so that you can regain the confidence to create your most abundant and joyful future.

[00:00:38] I’m so glad you’re here. This is Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

[00:00:44] Hello? Hello. Welcome back to rebuilding you. I’m your host and personal upper level after divorce mentor, Christina. And today’s episode is all about navigating the journey from we. [00:01:00] Back to me. Rediscovering yourself as an individual. After divorce. I’m going to be sharing some of my own experiences and by the end, You’ll be equipped with what you need to take a step in the right direction and hopefully feel a little less alone. Speaking of stepping in the right direction though, before we get into it, I want to share that next week I’m going to be hosting a masterclass. Sharing some of my secrets for the women in my divorce community, my own roadmap of how I personally went from divorced and. Barely surviving to owning a home, having multiple income generating businesses. And living the life that’s purpose filled. Because divorce is supposed to be an experience that we evolve from. And that’s exactly what I want to show you. Make sure that you [00:02:00] grab your virtual seat. Open up the show notes right now, you don’t even have to pause this episode, but click on surviving to thriving masterclass

[00:02:09] you do not want to miss this . It’s totally free. And if you know someone else that’s going through divorce. Be sure to share this episode with them or share the master class invitation with them. There’s nothing more meaningful. In divorce and going through divorce and the people that were there to lift you up. And that’s what we do here at her heart heals.

[00:02:32] We lift each other up in this community.

[00:02:34] Okay. So let’s dive into the episode. We, to me. And really finding ourselves after divorce. So.

[00:02:45] Let’s face it. We sometimes fall into the plan that society sort of dictates for us because. We have a lot going on. We don’t have time to be. [00:03:00] Thinking about every little thing that we’re doing and if we’re on the right track and, why we’re making the choices that we’re making. And sometimes it’s just kind of like, go with it. And for me, that was kind of the biggest eye-opener in my healing from divorce. Is that. My marriage and even getting married was. Kind of the pressure of what I thought. Was supposed to happen in life.

[00:03:31] I thought that was just like the natural progression. And even though my relationship was not great. It had red flags before I even got married. I thought that, you know, that’s what love really is. You know, we just stick it out and we. Fight until the end and love will overcome all of it.

[00:03:56] And that’s not the case. [00:04:00] For me. Society tells us that. Marriages about. Two people becoming one half of a hole and we merge lives. Dreams. Wardrobe sometimes.

[00:04:15] And for a while. You know, it can be. It can be pretty nice. It can be pretty beautiful too.

[00:04:23] Share those. Different levels of your life with someone. And in my marriage, we shared everything we shared. Uh, bank accounts, we shared. Uh, business, we shared. I mean all kinds of stuff.

[00:04:39] But then there was a point. That I realized that I had really blurred that line of. What I was sharing. Two. Flat out. Giving every single thing that I had down to my last. Scent that I owned [00:05:00] to my name. And. In my case. That whole two becomes one feeling. Really started to feel. A little one-sided. Because I felt like.

[00:05:17] I gave. Everything about myself. To where I even compromised. Changing almost everything about myself. To please this other person. And that person. Hadn’t really changed at all.

[00:05:36] And so that’s where I really felt that it was like, One sided. Um, and that’s kind of when things started to unravel. And maybe you realize that your dreams were also getting lost. Or your individuality was fading. In my case. I didn’t even recognize myself. [00:06:00] And it wasn’t easy. There was. A lot of guilt. That was tied with, you know, what do I do here?

[00:06:10] What do I do about this? Whole situation. Because it was no longer just about my happiness. This was now our happiness and I didn’t take that responsibility lightly. And even then. Willing to put my own happiness aside for. The greater good, because that’s what we do. That’s what you do in a marriage.

[00:06:35] And so I was willing to, to do all of that, but there just were things that.

[00:06:40] I couldn’t. Do any more? I, there was, like I said, it was just one sided. Also that I didn’t even recognize who I was. So when I filed for divorce, That really became the painful rebirth. Of.

[00:06:57] Just not even knowing who I [00:07:00] was without this. Identity of. Being a married person as like this one, half of this whole. And so let’s be honest. It’s going to that nitty gritty here. That initial period after a divorce. Is rough.

[00:07:21] It’s like I had never looked at myself in the mirror. For that time that I was in the relationship.

[00:07:27] It was as though I was seeing myself for the first time. But yet I felt so disconnected. From myself. Is like, kind of the only way that I can explain it. You might feel. Isolated. And confused and. Like you lost a part of yourself in the beginning. For me, it was literally like, Learning how to function. With a part of my body being missing.

[00:07:58] I don’t know how else to [00:08:00] explain it. And let me know if you relate to that feeling. But that’s How it felt. Um, I felt so vulnerable. I felt. Massively scared.

[00:08:13] And it’s a painful rebirth. Um, But it was also. So incredibly necessary for me to have gone. Through that, because that was like, Truly the lowest of the lows for me. And when we can embrace. That that’s the lowest of the low, I mean, and. It could have been a lot worse. Additional choices that I could have made to make the situation worse, but I chose to make that my rock bottom. So let’s talk about rock bottom for a little bit. And I want to use the example of. Me making the decision to not drink [00:09:00] alcohol. I have some friends that are like, oh, but you weren’t. Really an alcoholic. You didn’t have a problem. You could just have one drink. It’s fine. And that’s the difference between when you make the decision that it’s your rock bottom.

[00:09:18] Or you let. The universe or God, or the powers that be, make the decision for you that. It’s going to get much worse. It will take you. Deeper and deeper into that hole until you decide. That that is your rock bottom. So. I want to encourage you. To take a second and really acknowledge your rock bottom because your rock bottom means it’s it’s only gonna get better from here. It cannot get any more worse than here. And that is a choice.

[00:09:55] Rock bottom. Is 1000% a [00:10:00] choice. That comes from within you. When you have decided enough is enough. And that may be. The darkest days. Either leading up to your divorce when you knew that you were going to be getting a divorce. Or even the period afterwards, as you have gone through your healing, maybe you’re in your rock bottom right now. But you have the power to decide.

[00:10:25] This is the rock bottom that I am choosing for my life. It’s not going to get worse. I will not let it get worse than here.

[00:10:36] I didn’t have that in my show notes of how important. That piece of it is to finding yourself beyond divorce is like that deciding factor. Of. Saying, I’m going to get the fuck out of this situation and I’m going to be better. I don’t know how I’m going to do it.

[00:10:57] I don’t know. How it’s going to happen. [00:11:00] But I just know that it cannot get worse from this deciding moment right here. .

[00:11:08] Let’s talk about. Finding our way back. Okay. We have.

[00:11:12] Talked about. Two shall become one in a marriage. The unraveling. Of how that begins to be taken apart. When we have to go through a divorce. And then not painful rebirth and dictating and deciding our rock bottom. So now, where do we go from here? And this is where the rebuilding you part comes into it. It’s about rediscovering, who you are as an individual. Standing on your own two feet. And really putting yourself back together. But in a better way. In my signature program anchored [00:12:00] for eight weeks. You and I are working together on not just your healing from. Everything from your past your marriage, the life that you thought that you were supposed to be living or healing, even the relationship with yourself, but I’m talking. Rediscovering who you are. But like you 2.0. For the women in my program currently, we just discussed the importance around play. So maybe you reconnect with an old hobby that you were doing before you met your ex spouse. Perhaps it means that you go and travel somewhere that you always dreamed of going or taking up an entirely new activity. It could even be something as simple as reconnecting with old friends

[00:12:53] who knew the, you before marriage? One of the things that’s really helped me is being [00:13:00] intentional with my time. And not feeling silly for bringing a little wonder or curiosity to my day. That’s like, The essence of children, they have so much wonder. And they’re so curious and somewhere along the lines, we lose that in this. Responsibility that we have as adults and as humans navigating this world with all of our to-dos and things like that.

[00:13:27] And so. Bringing back a little wonder or curiosity to my day. It means it doesn’t have to be the full day. I’m not talking like let’s go to preschool and do some arts and crafts or, you know, go and stick our hand in a sandpit. But just taking a few extra moments on my walk to watch a caterpillar walk across the walkway. I literally just like sat the, her one day. And let the little guy across in front of me. [00:14:00] How to conversation with him, wondering what. His day look like and just. Bringing the little play back into my life.

[00:14:09] Like intentional play. It can really just do wonders for us as we. Start to navigate our way. Into being able to stand on our own two feet and discovering who we are, what we like. What. Seeing things from a new perspective. And doing things that bring in wonder and curiosity to our day just really helps us change our perspective, sort of that zooming out lens to see things from a bigger picture. And also. Feels really good to not have to think about. Fucking bills. Or. Debt credit card debt, or [00:15:00] if the mortgage payment got made it’s sometimes it’s just so nice to just like, Sit and watch a leaf fall from a tree.

[00:15:08] It’s I swear. It’s the best. But here’s the amazing thing about finding yourself again after divorce? It’s incredibly. Empowering. You rediscover your independence, your passions. And the incredible strength that you never even knew that you had. And trust me, I know that it’s in there. I know it’s in there, girl. And who knows maybe this new empowered you will attract. Even healthier relationships in the future?

[00:15:42] No, not baby. Like it has to, because that’s what we’re all about here is evolving. We’re not going to go through. One of the hardest fucking things. In someone’s life like a divorce. We’re not [00:16:00] going to go through something like that. Just to go back to being the same person. being like a worse off person. After a divorce and that’s what a lot of people. Settle for.

[00:16:16] Think about that. Think about the heaviness of that word, settle. We didn’t just come this far. Just to come this far.

[00:16:25] Inside of anchored it’s designed to help you succeed in all areas of your life. Rebuilding your life from the ground up. And we go through it step by step so that it’s not just like a superficial thing, but it’s on a deep level that creates lasting success for your future. And again, It’s in all areas of your life.

[00:16:52] So lasting success in relationships, financial success, success in your career. [00:17:00] Success in your spirituality and the connection that you feel so that you never lose the essence of who you are ever again. And you just keep growing any evolving. For the rest of your life. It just becomes a way of being.

[00:17:17] One of my clients was just texting me actually. How she had a job offer fall into her lap. She was texting me and she was like, I know we talked about the dream, but can the dream change because this job offer just came into my lap and it’s still a part of my dream, but holy shit. And yes. Your dream can change.

[00:17:40] And Kenny evolve, like when the universe meets your energy. But it hasn’t even been two weeks of us working together and her energy is changing. She’s freeing herself from so much emotional weight. And connecting a lot of dots that hadn’t really been [00:18:00] connected before, until we started working together.

[00:18:02] And now. The universe is like meeting her. And matching her energy and rewarding her for it. And it’s just the most beautiful thing

[00:18:14] because the truth is we all need guidance, the right guidance. If we want to up level. And I’d really love to see you at the masterclass surviving to thriving. And I’m going to be sharing. The steps that I took that really helped me go from not even wanting to leave my house because I had so much self-doubt and shame to an independent entrepreneur where I now embrace my experiences, because I know that they’ve shaped me into this life that I designed. And I want to help you design your life to.

[00:18:52] So again, the link to grab your virtual seat is in the show notes, click on surviving to thriving masterclass [00:19:00] and save your seat.

[00:19:01] You do not want to miss this masterclass. So two. Wrap up. What we learned today is we went into. How two people fuse into one and. Unpacking that. As we start to enter into that divorce process and really how. Painful that rebirth. Period can actually be, and. Dictating our rock bottom and how important that is. In our journey beyond divorce.

[00:19:36] And then we talked about finding our way back. We talked about how play. And bringing in little things like wonder and curiosity, and really being intentional with our time. To help us zoom out from some of the pressures that we feel. As we’re taking on this life, just us,

[00:19:56] we are our own safety net and the pressure’s there can just [00:20:00] feel. So heavy. And so it’s really important to kind of zoom out. And bring in a little bit of essence of play and wonder and curiosity so that it really helps us to evolve. And not stay the same because we can get sucked in. And then we talked about the new you, how beautiful it can be to find yourself again and how empowering it could be. Because once you do that, once you discover your independence and your passions and the incredible strength. That’s within you. You will start to see a better life.

[00:20:39] You will start to have a better quality and start to feel. On track again, feel like, oh, I got myself back. So I hope that this was helpful to bring a little bit of direction or put things into perspective for you.

[00:20:57] I want you to remember the journey from [00:21:00] we back to me after divorce. It’s a process it’s about self discovery growth, and ultimately. Becoming the best version of yourself. So don’t be afraid to embrace the rebuilding part. If you’re rebuilding yourself after divorce, I’d love to hear your story, make sure that you DM me on Instagram.

[00:21:25] You can find me at her heart heals and let’s catch up. I’d love to learn a little bit about you and your divorce journey and where you’re at right now and how I can help. And of course, Make sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you can get notified when I have a new episode.

[00:21:44] Stay tuned for more inspiring stories and tips on your journey to becoming the best version of you. I will catch you. At the masterclass. And talk to you soon. [00:22:00] Bye.