With the holidays coming up, if you’re not thinking about boundaries and some of the things that you need to put into place to protect your energy, now is the time because nothing says holiday season like rethinking why you’re still replying  at 10 o’clock at night when you have to go to bed and you have priorities.

Set the tone today. We are diving deep into boundaries, not just the like, Oh, just ignore them or, Oh, just push this under the rug. I feel like a lot of us are not doing boundaries correctly. And so I want to talk about the kind of boundaries that actually help you love and preserve the best relationships that you can. Of your life. I posted a poll  at her heart heals over on Instagram,  and 71 percent of you  mentioned that you’re aware of boundaries, but you need to get better at using them. 29 percent of you stated that you have none.

That you need boundaries. You know, you need boundaries and you’re like, show me the way. So that’s why I’m doing this episode. Be sure to stay to the end. We’re going to talk about why boundaries are the best kind of self care, the myths around boundaries, why we get them wrong, why they’re so damn hard.

And most importantly, How boundaries are going to be your ultimate bestie in protecting your piece, not just this holiday season, but how it’s going to support you while you’re stepping into your greatest comeback. Let’s get into it.

  You’re listening to Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio. 

Hi, I’m Christina Cuevas. Seven years ago, I went through a divorce and it completely turned my world upside down. And I’m so glad it did. I documented my healing to share information with other women going through their own divorce journey. And now, With thousands of downloads around the world from divorced women just like you, I’m here to show you how to ditch the shame around divorce and finally heal so that you can regain the confidence to create your most abundant and joyful future. 

I’m so glad you’re here. This is Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio. 

Hey Boothangs, what is up? Welcome back to another episode. I’m your host, Christina, your comeback mentor, your divorce rebuilding bestie.  You know the drill. Welcome back. I’m so happy to have you here. And I’m really excited to talk about this topic, which is all around boundaries. I recently had to do a little boundary implementation in my life because I implemented a boundary and got a little weak around it. Not going to lie. And then how to re implement it and like re feel the feelings all around it. And I was like, you know what?  I want to see what everybody else thinks about boundaries because I feel like it’s a big word right now. It’s a buzzword over on social, like I see it everywhere and I feel like we all know and are aware of boundaries, but it could also have like this negative connotation to it about how hard they are or that if you implement boundaries, it makes you a bitch or.  All these kinds of things that we tell ourselves about boundaries, like that boundaries are bad or boundaries are hard. And I kind of wanted to share , how I approach boundaries.  What I do personally and what I help coach my clients through to implement into their lives and give a sort of like a framework and a little training all around boundaries and how to make it easy and how this can actually improve the quality of your relationships.

 And we’ll get into this story.  in a little bit about how this, this has really helped to nourish and allow my life to flourish, not rhyming intentionally, but, um,  yeah, so I felt like we could do this little training. So. Here we are. And I wanted to just start out by talking about what boundaries really are and why they’re your best friend. 

So let’s first start talking about some of the myths with boundaries. Most people hear the word boundaries, like I was saying, and think it’s all about like shutting people out, making you look like a B.  And that it’s like the more defensive you have to get and you have to like get sort of aggressive.

But the truth is that good boundaries are the key to healthy relationships. And I feel like boundaries are put into place when you love someone and when you truly care about the relationship, especially with the people that you want to keep close. Like think of it as Preserving a relationship and not relationship breaking.

Now, if the other person doesn’t respond well to your boundary, which most people will not respond the way that you initially want them to respond, but I promise it’s  so worth it in the long run.  I’ll be real with you. One of the hardest places to implement boundaries was with  my parents.

 The relationship needed some mending. It needed some repairing because as I was working on myself, I was discovering where I didn’t have boundaries, where I should have implemented boundaries to kind of gain back my power. Like as I was going through my healing journey, After divorce and really focusing on my comeback, I started implementing boundaries with my friends and my family.

And I can tell you that it completely transformed the relationships that I chose to keep in my life. When we don’t implement a boundary and we just straight cut them off, it’s because we’re not going to be available for that person. And so  there really is no boundary. You’re just cutting them off. Right. And so when you place a boundary, It nourishes the relationship, and I can tell you that it completely transformed the relationship that I have with all of the people that I keep close,  one of my personal boundaries, That I implement with friends and family is that I will not text back after eight o’clock unless it’s an emergency by eight o’clock. I mean, 8 p. m.  I like to be able to do things that nourish me. As part of  my winding down routine and ritual, I find that time really sacred. It’s where I recharge . I like to do reading. I like to, I like to meditate before I go to bed. Um, and I like to just be in the silence. I have found that that is really nourishing for me.

 If I start engaging in text messages, I could just sit there on my phone,  completely glued and I like want to detach from my phone. I don’t want to be on it  texting back and engaging in a conversation late at night. I have found it’s like, where did the time go? Next thing you know, it’s like 10 o’clock.

I haven’t done any of the things that helped to nourish me. And so I have that personal boundary. I don’t. Really let anybody know that that’s my boundary, you know, I just do it because I know that that helps to nourish me and it allows me to show up better and in a more loving way when I am online or when I am responding to messages or being more thoughtful about it.

 I’m a better friend. I’m a better family member. I’m a better mentor when I’m not glued to my phone around the clock. So boundaries show others that you respect yourself and in turn, they’ll respect you back. And that’s like a mutual respect clause of any relationship.

And what I can say is that I was kind of the first one. In  my family and myself to implement boundaries. And initially I was met with some resistance, but I can tell you that my family then started implementing their own healthy boundaries and  they flourished and I flourish and we both flourished together.

And so sometimes you kind of have to just like be the change that you want to see. Right? Like you have to be the one to. Show people that. Putting in boundaries doesn’t mean that you’re shutting them out. It means that you want to pull them close. So let’s talk about different types of boundaries and how to use each one.

So first we have  energetic boundaries. And the energetic boundaries just means , it’s more of this like unspoken. It’s not something that you have to announce to other people, kind of like the no texting back boundary that I implemented. That’s to protect my own energy. And so it’s not something that I actually need to communicate, which is the second type.

 Not every yes has to be immediate.  Just because you’re around someone doesn’t mean that they get 24 seven access to your emotions and your energy, give yourself permission to take breaks and recharge when you need it and really lean into, , Feeling how you feel throughout the day and your energy levels.

 Sometimes when you’re at work and you go into an intense meeting or you meet with a customer or.  Whatever the case may be, you’ve almost feel like your energy is drained, right? Like, I know that you guys feel me on that. And sometimes you need to take like 30 minutes to regroup. That’s actually putting in  an energy boundary for yourself.

Is that like, after doing something that takes your energy, you’re going to do something that , Recharges your soul and refuels you. So that’s an example of an energetic boundary. The other type of boundary is communication boundaries. That’s where we have to clearly identify the boundary to someone else and clear communication is key.

This is where you clarify things like, Hey, I won’t be available after seven or I need alone time in the mornings. This type of boundary allows you to communicate your needs without feeling guilty. And most of the time people actually respect that. And so even what you could say is like, if you find that you have a certain person that messages you throughout the day and it interrupts like your workflow, one thing that you can do is message that person,  And just say, Hey, I’m actually going to be really busy.

If I don’t respond, I’ll catch up with you later or at the end of the day. And that’s a boundary. That is just setting clear communication saying, don’t expect this from me. This is what I need. And then you’re just like letting them know you’re informing them. And then if they feel a certain way about it, then that’s on them. And you did your part of informing that person. And so that’s  another easy way that you can start to  implement boundaries that are gentle

and the third one is self care boundaries. These are the boundaries that you put in place with yourself. So, maybe it’s limiting your screen time, committing to weekly alone time, or just being able to say no to something that you don’t want to do. It’s all about creating space for yourself and in your own life.

And so what I have found is that like these self care boundaries, even if you use it as a communication boundary where you’re saying like, Hey, I’m not going to go out, I’m not I really need some time to myself. And people are like, no, but please come out. Da da da.  They’re trying to , have you bring your boundary down to get what they want.

Right. And so standing firm is the next thing that we’re going to get into of like why boundaries are so hard to set, but why they’re worth it. So. The first reason why is like the societal stigma. So many of us are taught that setting boundaries is selfish or unkind, but here’s the truth. It’s not only normal, but it’s essential.

Boundaries are about being kind to yourself first and foremost. And that kindness translates to better relationships because truth be told, like the people that respond to your boundaries and respect your boundaries over time , you’re teaching people how you want to be treated and how you want to be loved and how you want to be included in the world. In that relationship. And it just makes for so much more peace. Another reason why boundaries are often so hard to set is because we fear others reactions to our boundary,  especially when it’s family. But think about this, like, are you sacrificing your peace just to avoid someone else’s discomfort? And if so, It’s time to rethink why their comfort is costing you, like why you’re allowing it to take its toll on you.

And I’m sure you can start to see a theme here of these boundaries and where you may be needing to implement some.  In the next section, we’re going to get into how to start doing this. So don’t worry.   Another reason why boundaries are so hard to set is because people often think that boundaries, uh, are walls and they don’t have to be these drastic cutoffs. They’re more like guideposts. to help you protect your own happiness and you get to decide how close or far they’re placed with each person. And this is why I love boundaries so, so much. Now  I’m going to get into some practical tips for setting boundaries and making this a part of your life.  I only have so much time on this podcast, but I’m really excited because we spend an entire week all around triggers, limiting beliefs and boundaries inside of my new program, which is your greatest comeback.

The next round is opening up for enrollment soon. We will be starting at 2025 so that you can really kick ass next year. So. Stay tuned for that. You’ll get an opportunity to join the wait list. If you take my comeback quiz, the comeback quiz will give you not only blind spots that you are not seeing while you’re building your life after divorce,  it’s also going to give you a practical guide with action steps and all the things that you can start doing today to implement your greatest life after divorce. The links in the show notes, if you want to take it, but let’s go into some of my tips for setting boundaries during the holidays.

  Start off by starting small and starting soon. Boundaries aren’t always an all or nothing. Start with something small, like  limiting holiday gatherings to the ones that you actually want to attend. And if it’s something to where you feel like you have to go and you don’t want to go limiting your time.

Okay. So make it known in advance. I’m a, I’ll be available from this time to this time. And then that way  you can just head on out at the time. You’ve already told people in advance. So start now and ease into the boundaries that make you feel good. Start with those,  

the next tip that I have for you is to communicate that Early. If you know, aunt Susie tends to bombard you with the questions about your personal life. Prepare a line that kindly redirects or limits the conversation. Like I’m focusing some new projects and goals. It’s really exciting, but let’s chat about you.  Tell me about what’s going on in your life. If you start to practice redirecting conversations, oh man, people love talking about themselves.

So you just have to start practicing that in advance on how to redirect. And that is an energetic boundary at its finest.  And the last tip that I have for you is to be kind, but firm. Remember that boundaries are for you. It’s not for the other person. It’s about protecting your peace and making sure that you can show up fully. In the relationships that matter the most for you. And when you’re rebuilding your life after divorce, one of the key things that we always talk about is starting with repairing and rebuilding and valuing the relationship that you have with yourself.  You can’t do it without boundaries. So that’s why  this work is so important. 

So let’s talk about how boundaries lead to healthier relationships. You’re like, yeah, you’re giving me all of these, the why and the how, but like, how does this actually benefit you? So  boundaries are actually the key to longterm happiness because a strong boundary is like relationship maintenance. If you’re setting boundaries with people that you want in your life, you’re actually doing the work.

To keep that relationship healthy for the long haul.  If you think about  family spats or arguments where people go for long periods of time without talking more often than not, it’s because they didn’t have a boundary in place and nobody was honoring that. And so then somebody finally felt that like an internal boundary that they had set, but never communicated, got violated.

And then they just like blow up.  Or worse, you blow up internally and you’re dealing with all of this stress and the other person like has no clue. So this is why implementing boundaries beforehand, it will save you so much stress in the long run.  It’ll also improve your relationship. So like when I started setting my own boundaries around things like response times and availability, I actually noticed that my relationships improved because I was less triggered by them because I just communicated the boundary.

And then it was like, it was done. I felt so much more at peace and. People began respecting my time and I felt less pressure to respond right away, which made me a better listener when I did show up and it made me more present and it made me spend less time being triggered about that relationship and more time like actually enjoying the relationship.

The holidays are a perfect testing ground for practicing your boundaries with family. It’s about love and being in the moment. And it’s also about keeping the peace in a way that respects your needs.

So setting those boundaries now means that you can close out 2024 actually working on something that’s going to move the needle so that come 2025, you have a clear understanding of how to protect your happiness.  As we gear up for the holiday season, I want to challenge you to start seeing boundaries, not as barriers, but as a way to preserve the relationships that matter most to you.

As I mentioned, boundaries are Self care in action. They’re going to be your best ally in protecting your peace and re affirming your worth. And as you go forward and setting the foundation for your greatest comeback, And since I am your mentor, I want to encourage you to take action.  I want you to  DM me on Instagram. I’m at her heart heels and I want you to tell me what boundary it is that you’re thinking of implementing. And we can workshop how you’re going to best do that this holiday season. So hold yourself accountable. Message me, let me know what your boundary is, and I will workshop that boundary with you. And we can talk about how you’re going to implement it in this holiday season so that you can actually start to move the needle towards your greatest comeback.

And if you want support. In creating boundaries that work for you. I’m here to guide you.  You can start by taking that free comeback style quiz. It’s free, quick, and designed to help you kickstart your next level. It’s going to tell you what your comeback style is based on your responses. It’s going to give you the blind spots that you need to focus on that. Maybe boundaries is one of them.

And then it’s also going to give you a personalized guide with action steps to take that you can start doing right now. So basically like having me as your mentor. In your back pocket as you navigate this holiday season. It’s also going to give you access to join the wait list for your greatest comeback 2025. It’s my group program. That’s going to show you my signature comeback method. And you’re going to do it alongside a group of other women who are ready to step into their greatest comeback after divorce. It’s all linked in the show notes and to get insights on where you might need stronger boundaries.

 📍 I hope this was helpful until next time, stay strong, stay clear, and remember that you deserve all the peace that you create.