Ep. 81 Finding Your Peace

[00:00:00] You’re listening to Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

Hi, I’m Christina Cuevas. Seven years ago, I went through a divorce and it completely turned my world upside down. And I’m so glad it did. I documented my healing to share information with other women going through their own divorce journey. And now, With thousands of downloads around the world from divorced women just like you, I’m here to show you how to ditch the shame around divorce and finally heal so that you can regain the confidence to create your most abundant and joyful future.

I’m so glad you’re here. This is Her Heart Heals Divorce Radio.

Hey, Hey ladies. Welcome back to the rebuilding you podcast. It’s your girl, Christina. And today. Whew. We are diving into a topic that I know so many of you are craving right now. We’ve been having a ton of stories. Over in [00:01:00] Instagram and my stories around, um, this topic and that is. Peace. Yup. Just inner peace.

You know, I pulled, um, a lot of you guys on Instagram asking what it is that you most desire. Uh, in a life after divorce and the options were peace, happiness, abundance. Um, and I can’t remember what the other one was, but. Over 80% of you. Voted that piece was the number one goal to achieving over happiness over abundance.

Of course, happiness sort of comes with peace, but to think that peace is at the beginning of the waterfall. For everyone was just incredible, so that beautiful, calm, free feeling that seems to be kind of elusive. [00:02:00] Just like it is when you go with search for the perfect pair of jeans. If you know where to find those, please. Let me know, send me a message. , but can we just agree that peace feels like this? Mythical thing that we’re all chasing, but we can never quite catch.

Or maybe once you have it, it feels like it. Doesn’t last, very long. That piece is a little bit temporary, and we’re going to get into that today as to why and how you can really find your peace and anchor in for the long haul for the long lasting effects. Because I see you I’ve been there and it’s something that. I jumped in and out of, within my own life all of the time.

And today we’re going to talk about why peace feels so out of reach. And what you can do to start. Earning it to start living it, to start experiencing peace, because I promise you that after this [00:03:00] episode, you are going to feel much more confident and in charge with your own peace than you do right now.

And you’re going to be able to walk away from this episode, actually, knowing what action steps that you can take to feel more peace in your life, no matter what stage of divorce that you’re in today. Not in the distant future. But right now, so let’s kick it off with a little life update. You know, I always love to keep it real with you guys.

I haven’t published a podcast episode in. A month now. Which is a little crazy. , I’ve been really feeling into my life. Can my own peace right. Searching for my own. Journeys I recently joined an inner work, , group where I am being led by a mentor and doing a lot of. , inner child work, a lot [00:04:00] of shadow work, a lot of healing, the mother and the father wounds, things like that. As you guys know, I, I’m no stranger to always evolving, always jumping in and learning. I am not afraid of healing.

In fact, I welcome it. And this is, this is a journey. If you guys have been with me for a while, you know, that. Healing is it’s a every day thing. So, I joined this group. And I’m being led by one of my mentors, that I invested in. So I’ve been taking a lot of time to integrate that work within myself, within my life. And therefore being able to give back to you to this community. And elevate myself as a coach, as well. With that I’ve always been into the dog world and I love. You know, being able to [00:05:00] give back to animals and hopefully one day that is on my dream bucket list to. Do something start a nonprofit for dogs. , create education.

I just have such a heart for my dogs and just dogs in general. And so I jumped into learning this technique about how to calm a dog’s anxiety through touch. So it’s been really, really fascinating and interesting. I’ve been doing it a lot of work on my own dogs. Um, they’re like, bye. My little experiments.

I’m always the first to kind of receive when I do any type of energy work and things like that. So it’s been really fun. , and on top of that, Coby, one of my dogs just had surgery this week and he was supposed to have. A couple of different procedures. Um, his tooth broke. Like. Total accident. I don’t know how, but his tooth broke and then he’s been having [00:06:00] a lot of issues with his prostate and they. They meaning the veterinarian world, , will always recommend neutering as sort of the first. , plan of attack.

And I believe in keeping a dog’s body whole, if there is, you know, they don’t do a lot of interaction with other dogs, so there’s no risk of, uh, him creating other little beings. The Kobe’s in the world. And so I really wanted to keep my dogs bodies as whole as possible. And the studies around neutering, a dog to resolve a prostate problem. Kind of showed that the risk in creating other problems. Uh, increased naturally, right?

Because our bodies are, we’re born with our whole body and everything is there for a reason. And when you take something out, [00:07:00] you. Disrupt the balance and the cycle and the flow of anything., any living thing has a full and complete body. So. I made the decision. Uh, you know, I was kind of getting a little pressured and. Made the decision to stand firm in my choice to not neuter him the problem wasn’t, , us severe to make an instant decision. So I was really proud of myself for sticking true to. My gut trusting my gut. And acting., in integrity with my beliefs, with what I thought.

And at the end, I was able to have a very open and honest conversation with my veterinarian. Explain my concerns. And he ended up being on the same page and like respected my choice and gave me alternative methods and things like that. If things were to get bad. And so I was really [00:08:00] like happy and leaning into. This feeling, because this also comes with having your own inner peace is being able to live in alignment with how you truly want to live your life, living in authenticity with yourself.

And so. That’s kind of why I wanted to share that story with you because. Peace. Doesn’t come from life going your way. It comes from you choosing peace. Even when your life feels like chaos, it’s being able to really anchor into your beliefs to your values, to your life’s vision. And then being able to act accordingly and then you get peace. I haven’t even gotten into the full nitty-gritty of the episode, but you guys kind of get the idea around why this topic is so important because. Literally inner peace rules. Our world, it rules our life.

[00:09:00] So we’re talking about how to find your peace, even when life is. Throwing you curve balls, even when life is happening. And trust me, I’ve had my fair share of curve balls, divorce career shifts. , making medically necessary decisions for my dogs and myself and balancing all the things.

So I know that you get it. So let’s jump in and first off, I just want to bust this myth. Right. Have you ever thought to yourself, like once my divorce is final. Then I’ll have peace or maybe once I get the job that pays me X amount of money. Once I’m finally in control of my life, then peace will happen.

Girl. I hate to break it to you. But peace does not work like that.

I used to tell myself. The same thing. And in fact, it’s still in auto default. [00:10:00] Mode that I am constantly working to undo and I’ve gotten a lot better at it. But, you know, I used to say like, once this thing is over, once I get through this. Project or this scenario or this relationship, once this thing is over, then life will be better.

Then I will have my peace. Then I could like enjoy it. Right. It’s like, When you go and you try to get through a hard workout and you’re powering through it so that you can go and have like a fabulous meal afterwards. No. Peace is not like that. I realized something. Piece isn’t something that just arrives at your doorstep one day, like an Amazon delivery.

Nope. Peace is something that you earn. It’s something that you work towards every single day. In the little moments, it’s a practice. It is not a destination. Write that down. Put it [00:11:00] in your phone. Whatever you gotta do. I’m gonna say it again. Peace is a practice. Not a destination.

And it’s also earned. Peace is earned you guys. And that was a really tough pill to swallow.

Now, let me be real with you for a second. When I first heard that peace is earned, I was like, wait, what? Haven’t I gone through enough, like I was. Offended. When I heard that. Like seriously, where’s my piece already. And then it hit me.

Everything that I was doing was actually the opposite of peaceful. So how could I expect. To have peace. I was pushing myself harder and harder and thinking that once I had all my ducks in a row, I’d finally get to relax. Does this sound familiar? If you’re nodding your head over there. [00:12:00] Keep keep following along with me.

It’s like when you’re running on a treadmill, tell yourself just a little bit further and then I can stop and guess what? You never stop. Us divorced women. Like if you’re listening to this podcast, it tells me like, you’re a go getter. You like going out and making shit happen. You like multitasking.

You like your ducks in a row.

But you just keep running and we’re chasing this idea that peace is just going to wait for us at the finish line. But the truth is that piece. Isn’t at the finish line piece. Is the way that you run the race. Right. It’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey. So, let me ask you this. What. Are you waiting for. At what point? Are you finally going to take the armor off and say, okay. I am ready to integrate peace [00:13:00] into my life and I’m going to choose peace now. I know for me, I kept telling myself, like, once my finances get sorted, once I’m secure, then I’ll be peaceful.

But if I kept waiting for life to be perfect, I would be waiting forever. And then life would just pass us by and we would never get the thing that we were ultimately chasing, which is peace. Right. And that’s when I realized I had to start practicing piece. Right now in the middle of the mess, or I was going to lose my shit forever.

So, let me break this down for you. Peace is a state of being. It’s not something that comes from external circumstances. It comes from within. And again, going back to that poll that I sent out on Instagram. Asking you what, the number, one thing you wanted after divorce and [00:14:00] you know, it wasn’t money. It wasn’t even happiness.

It was peace. And that starts the waterfall of everything else. And I think like, even just by seeing that response, you guys all innately, know that in order to get money in order to get happiness, you can’t get that. If you don’t have peace.

And I get it because peace is. That feeling of just being without all the noise, without all the pressure and being able to sit in that moment of stillness and just being purely content with your life of where you’re at with yourself, with everything going on around you, peace is just. Uh, feeling. And we can have it. And here’s the thing. We treat piece like it’s some sort of far off thing that we have to earn through suffering. How crazy is that like we’ll only deserve it [00:15:00] once we’ve worked ourselves to the bone girl?

No, that is not how it works. Pieces. Something that we can bring into our lives right now. And I’m going to show you how.

Okay. So let’s talk about something that I call your peace threshold. This is really where the magic happens. Your peace threshold is knowing at what point doing something no longer brings you peace. It’s recognizing when you’re about to cross that line where peace is sacrificed for stress. And here’s the kicker.

It’s up to you to decide whether or not it’s worth it. And a lot of times. We sacrifice as women who put everybody else before us. Except for us. Right. We always go last. We’re also sacrificing our piece and.[00:16:00]

Sometimes it will be worth it. And sometimes it won’t be. And I think a lot of us make these decisions without really bringing in your peace threshold. And the power really comes from making that choice consciously and not just reacting to life, but really being able to decide. If what you’re doing is moving you closer to, or further away from your peace.

And sometimes you have to just say like, is this worth it right now? And. I want to also state. That it could even be in the simple things, right? The things that we do to sacrifice for those that we love, and maybe it’s something small. That you sacrifice your piece for like, oh, I don’t need to sit on the couch and watch this Netflix show.

I’m not doing anything. I’m just being lazy. So therefore [00:17:00] I can go ahead and do this thing. Like we almost guilt ourselves. Out of being at peace. We guilt ourselves out of doing things that are going to bring us peace. Bring us that inner peace. For those that we love, but it’s, that’s kind of where it starts.

It’s the little things. And when we don’t practice that muscle, when it comes to the bigger decisions of, is this going to disrupt my peace? You can see how it’s going to be that much harder. Like when you go to the gym, let’s say you haven’t worked out in, who knows how long for me? I haven’t been working out very much.

And so my strength is a lot lower. I have to build back up. You’re not just going to go into the gym and all of a sudden, just start like using 20 pound dumbbells, you know, you have to work your way up, like a muscle. Your peace threshold is a muscle [00:18:00] that most people, myself included. It’s weak as fuck. I’m not even going to sugarcoat that.

So here’s your action item for today? I want you to start. Activating and paying attention to your peace threshold. See if you can sense. When you’re about to take on too much when you’re about to say yes to something that might drain you even more. Ask yourself, is this bringing me closer to peace or further away, and then decide what’s worth it for you. Because here’s the thing.

When you make that decision. Then. Further down the line when we say like, oh my gosh, I’m just so burnt out. Or we’re wondering. Why life isn’t going our [00:19:00] way, why we don’t have the thing. We have nobody to hold us accountable, except for ourselves. You will know. Damn sure. There’s nobody to point the finger at because you consciously made that decision.

Ooh,

like, let that sink in. And now that you have this responsibility. Now that you know, better. We can choose better. Right. And sometimes you might choose the hustle. Sometimes you might choose to go the extra mile and not okay. But other times, You might choose peace. And that’s okay too. In fact. If your goal. Is peace after divorce.

Maybe it’s just the one little action.

Remember exercising the muscle. Okay. I’ll give you an [00:20:00] example. One of my clients. Let’s call her Sarah. She came to me. Absolutely done with the corporate grind. In fact, She was so done. Her body was actually done before her mind was. And she had been living on disability and it was about to run out and she did not want to go back to the corporate grind that she had been in for over 20 years. Her dream was to be at peace.

She didn’t want the nine to five life anymore. She didn’t want to be. Hustling for an income. She was the primary breadwinner in her relationship. She wanted to create art and she wanted to be free. But every time that she got close, she would find herself tangled up in new projects and new responsibilities and new scenarios. That sucked the piece [00:21:00] right out of her life.

And she would auto default into this mode all the time. And this would actually happen subconsciously it wasn’t until we started working together where I was like, Girl. You do realize that all of these, a little actions that you’re doing. Are actually creating the life that you don’t want. Like you are working. And doing things that are the opposite of peace.

So we worked on identifying her peace threshold. And we got down to the nitty gritty as far as like what’s worth it. What’s not because. Even in discovering it, sometimes it doesn’t come that easy. Sometimes we have to do a lot of work on your values. We have to figure out what your purpose is, because when you’re clear on your purpose and it makes it easier to make those decisions in your peace threshold.

Right. And so she started making decisions based on whether or not they brought her closer to or further [00:22:00] from peace. And guess what? Within a couple of weeks, she was starting to get more and more confirmations. Of life going towards. The peaceful life that she dreamt up. She’s actually now a full-time artist. Making sales on Etsy and she literally creates art for a living and it just actually got into a bigger home.

And this is somebody that had, was dependent on a corporate salary for most of her life.

So this just goes to show how the smallest things, the smallest actions can really help you align more. With your piece and you can actually start experiencing that today. So start by the peace threshold. And let me know how it goes. Okay. Before we wrap up, I want to leave you with [00:23:00] this. Piece is something that you can create in your life.

Now it’s not waiting for you at the end of your divorce. It’s not waiting on you when your finances are perfect or when your life is perfectly in order. It’s something that you practice daily. It’s a choice. And you have the power to start bringing more peace into your life starting today. So if you’re ready to dive deeper into this, I’ve got a free, personalized plan waiting for you with exactly what you need to focus on. To bring out the, all the things that you are attracting in this life, in your new chapter. Click the link in the show notes.

And again, it’s going to take you to a really fun quiz and you will get a personalized plan. Uh, letting you know exactly the steps that you need to take that I use with my clients. And get you started on your journey to peace. Sound good. [00:24:00] Okay, ladies, that is all for today. And remember peace. Isn’t waiting for you out there somewhere.

It’s right here. Ready for you to claim it? Thanks for hanging with me today.

Let me know how your peace threshold is going and let me know what you discover. I’d love to hear from you. Find me over on Instagram. I’m at her heart heals and I would love to have a conversation with you around what it is that you are discovering now implementing this peace threshold. And if you have any questions or you’re struggling with implementing this, let me know.

Let’s have a conversation about it. My DMS are always available. Open to you and okay. I hope that you enjoyed this episode. I hope that it was helpful. Please remember to rate and review and maybe share it with a friend who may need to hear this too, about bringing peace into their life and until next episode, I’ll talk to you later.

Bye.